Mystique

Hiatus

2009-07-16T01:25:00.000-06:00

Hey all! I apologize for the extended hiatus…

First of all, my computer crashed and I didn’t get my new one until last week! Bummer. But only kind of. I got a new 15” Dell Studio with 2.4 dual core processor and 250mb NVidia hd graphics card (heeaaaaavvveeennn!!! Its like sugary sweet eye candy!)

I’m also working on a personal site outside the blogger platform. Still in the experimenting stages, but while im doing that ill be on a temporary hiatus for my personal blog here.

Back soon!

Revolution

2009-05-15T14:53:00.001-06:00

Utah is finally emerging out of the harsh cold winter, and unpredictable weather that comes with spring. the days are turning into long and warm, bright sunny days that last from 7 in the morning until almost 9 at night. By summers peak it will be past 10 before it finally gets dark. Summer is my favorite time of year! What is better then lounging on my patio, soaking up the sunlight while I read a book and write the day away…?

I’ve been catching up on some much-needed reading lately. I’m always toting some kind of new age/inspiration/life-changing book around. One I’ve been reading has been talking about “living in the moment”, which is very profound. It’s so simple, that it’s not really fully grasped until you truly think about it and experience it. How much of our lives are spend “not really being there?” how much time is wasted in life with our minds somewhere else, not really where our lives are at; Here, in this moment?

All we really have is this moment. Not stuck in the future, or dwelling on the past. If you really sit down and think for a moment, how much of your thoughts are consumed just thinking about the past, or worrying about the future? Its almost everything we think about.

If we learn to let go of what we don’t really have (the past and future, and wishing our lives were different) and lovingly accept our lives for what they really are, something subtle; yet powerful happens. Acceptance is the key to revolution. Sometimes in the form of finally being free to love your life for what it is. Other times giving you the courage to change for the better (because you cant really change what you don’t acknowledge to be true)

Life is not about where we used to be, or where we might go. It is about now. This very moment.

NEW LAYOUT!

2009-05-14T09:15:00.002-06:00

{{{YAY}}} !!!!!!

welcome to the new layout! Yes, I dropped off the planet for about 2 and a hald weeks....as usual when my mind gets graphic intensive and i recluse to my inner sanctum of photoshop delerium...

....to emerge, eventually. and this is the result!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ so lovely! }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Ill be back later today, there are still some things that need to be edited and polished, but for the most part it is complete. also need to do some major imporovment to my links to show image credit and new things ive found that you gotta check out :)

back soon!

It's Written In The Stars

2009-04-20T00:52:00.001-06:00

Your Moon Nakshatra is Vishaka

Ø Vishaka means the star of purpose.

The symbol of Vishaka is a triumphal archway. Vishaka is ruled by Jupiter, which shows you have a faithful and optimistic outlook personality, compelling you to expand through teachings, children, and other creative efforts.

Mythologically, Indra and Agni are the presiding deities of Vishaka. Indra is the king of the gods as well as the god of the sky and atmosphere. It is Indra who leads us to the etheric realm of space, beyond earthly forms. Agni is the god of fire and sacrifice. His fire illuminates our path to truth and allows us to purify and detoxify. Both Indra and Agni are rather fierce in nature. Both Gods are renowned for heroic feats in battle and for upholding universal law. Both also carry weapons, showing the importance of choosing our battles wisely. These two deities reveal the unification of our focused awareness with the intelligence and capacity to expand. Agni and Indra are the most glorified of Vedic deities, showing the power and prominence of Vishaka.

Strengths: You have a naturally ambitious and motivated nature, and desire to do good things with those ambitions. Strong actions and clear ideas will inspire many with whom you associate. Through faith, patience, courage, and optimism you can produce many and various fruits from your tireless efforts. You aspire to virtuous conduct and inspire that in others. Your efforts gain in importance and value over time, bringing great results later in life.

Shadow issues: Pushing your own agenda too strongly may ruin your lofty plans. Learning to turn potential enemies into allies is one of your great life lessons and will delay success. Choose your battles wisely! You possess a high passionate nature, which may make you quarrelsome at times or divert your attention. You may get into passionate power plays and domineering behavior. Be careful not to take on too many projects at once.

{mobile blogging} Writing from the office...

2009-04-19T04:42:00.000-06:00

So, with internet being practically gridlocked here at work (thanks, WoW addicts. Here is an appropriate fuck you for spoiling my office adventures) I am unable to blog with windows live writer, or upload to blogger, so I’m trying to sidestep these obstacles and blog via email. We’ll see how it goes…

Grumbling aside, there isn’t much to complain about these days. I just finished moving into the new condo! (as in, just cleaned out the last box, and random thing out of the old apartment last night!) and I have to say that I am ADORING IT THERE . It’s gorgeous, spacious, quiet…everything I ever wanted and never had. I’ve never felt like I had a home , it’s always felt like it was just a place to live…to finally feel like I have a place of my own, somewhere to call home…it’s a good feeling. A big step in life that shows how far I’ve gone and how much I have accomplished.

So, the next step now is…when am I going to have a welcoming party!? Oh yeah. That’s right. Everyone better know where the party is at, haha!

Other then the new home, not too much to speak of lately. Just your usual daily grind at the office, occasional antics (Evonne. Shanna. I’m looking at you…) and enjoying (probably too much..) trips to Walmart, Sams Club, and the HomeGoods store! Effin’ A cotton, have you seen some of the cool stuff at HomeGoods?! I feel like I could spend an entire paycheck at that store! My mind gets filled of home décor dreams, like glass fish statues in the bathroom, huge 12x12 paintings on the walls, and every other trinket and thingamabob to adorn your house with. Sigh! One day, one day…

A few of my recent favorite things: 1. smoked ham from the deli. No longer will I buy packaged meat! Trust me, when you taste the difference you’ll think your eating garbage. 2. Glade plugins . They smell soooo good! And when you have two cats in the house, trust me, that’s a blessing! Just yesterday someone came over and said “mmm! Are you guys doing laundry? It smells good in here!” 3. Aquariums. Just picked up a 20 gallon tank from KSL and I’m totally psyched to start a mini sea! My cats will love it too J . 4. Sims 3 cant come soon enough!!! Aaaahh!!!

Thirty-Nine %

2009-04-12T18:20:00.001-06:00

Hey everyone! I just thought id share this minor milestone…

It literally took THREE YEARS to convince Tony to go on a WDW vacation! (phew! )

I have been subtly (or not) showing him Travel channel shows on Disney, YouTube videos, or just so happen to read a cool factoid out loud from my planning books over the past six months, and today we were talking about it and he said...:

"I have to admit, I thought it was a lot different at first. I was like 0% excited to go on this trip. But once I learned how big it is, all the different parks and resorts...I don't think it will be so bad. I might even enjoy it. I'm like,...39% excited now."

Its progress! I was actually thrilled when he said this! I can work with 39% ! maybe in another 6 months we can get that to 79%!

Moving Into My New Condo April 15th!

2009-04-06T06:24:00.001-06:00

More pictures will be posted when I move in. There aren't any pictures of the living room, 2nd bed or bath….yet.

So…details: Its 1,300 sq feet, 2 bed / 2 bath, balcony patio, walk in closet, 1 car garage with storage space, washer & dryer, stainless steel appliances, real tile in the kitchen and bathrooms (not that stick-on fake shit. Haha!) , really pretty brown, cream, and burgundy color pallet on the walls, and that modern shagesque carpet that is uber plush and nice, built in 2004. Its in a private community named “Pheasant Point” (I know, right? Whoever makes names for subdivisions needs to be f-i-r-e-d ) Right of the freeway in Lehi, about 20-25 minutes from downtown Salt Lake City. Community fitness club and pool…a really posh and friendly looking place. Though I wonder if they have recycling pick up there…? Hmm, they better… I cant possibly throw away my trash in good conscious—knowing it could be recycled! It would quite literally drive me insane.

And my landlord Rachel is positively the most adorable girl you’ll ever see. She cant be more then a few years older then me. I'm really lucky to have someone like her.

What can I say? Its been time for a move! I've only been at my apartment in South Salt Lake for a few months but I need change. That place is nothing but bad memories, and with some of the things that have gone on in my personal life the month or two, its not safe, either. I want to go far away, to my own personal sanctuary. Somewhere that is home, not just a place i dwell in. Im so in love with this place, Im so excited!

I also got another raise at Comcast. (that makes raise number 6 in less then a year. I think they want to keep me around… ) So I’ve also been thinking to myself…you know, you deserve this! Its time to go somewhere that shows just how successful you are! To give yourself something for working so hard. Go ahead and take the final step to achieving your goal, give yourself something you’ve been wanting for so long!

A new home for a new beginning.

Vintage, Just In Time For Spring

2009-04-01T06:09:00.001-06:00

Victory is mine! Muahahaha! My Layout is complete!

Heavily vintage inspired imagery, very complimentary to the upcoming spring season, I think.

soooooooo pretty

. . . . . so, basically, I’m awesome.

Tweaking My Blog

2009-03-31T05:32:00.002-06:00

Don't be surprised or anything but I'm tweaking my blog...er, again.

What can I say? I'm always browsing blogskins and I am always getting inspired to change the design. Much to the dismay and eye rolling of my readers...

I really like it so far. The navi links are inactive for the moment while I'm muddling over things. I like that pale flower pattern but...i cant place my finger on it but it needs something a little different, don't you think? So I'm scavenging the net for a different one at the time being.

let the nerding out continue!

...Huh? What? You mean you want me to tell you something that's actually relevant to life? Uh..hmm..well, things are here and there. Life is all drama, drama, drama! And not enough calm and resolute. I am going shopping for a new comforter and sheet set this morning. Tony and I went to Sam's club yesterday and got some bitch'n groceries. God, I love that place. Where else can you get a 50 lb bag of Meow Mix and a popcorn machine and sample free food!? Bulk stores are the coolest...

We're also looking into moving into a condo. I'm really, really, really excited! We are going to look at a few this morning and I'm crossing my fingers things go for the best!

Its Official: Im going to Disney World!!!!!

2009-03-17T03:19:00.006-06:00

IM GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!!

...in January of next year!

Well, its official people. The money is saved. A whole week in my own personal heaven. My prediction of my blog morphing into a blabfest of disney mania will probably kill all of my fanbase...but whats a disney world maniac to do?

Now I just have to figure out how I will cope with the wait!

Big Love on HBO: LDS members freaking out. I am rolling my eyes.

2009-03-15T04:28:00.003-06:00

Once again from the front lines at the Comcast call center!

So here is the story: There is a series on HBO that is called "Big Love" that has been on air for a few years now. Its about polygamist families. Which at times includes references to the LDS church. There is an episode of Big Love airing on March 15, 2009 that is going to show the temple ordinances with the characters dressed in full temple clothing.

The LDS are in uproar over this episode. There are protests on Facebook to block it from airing. Even local news had a tidbit about it ("tonight at five! Something somewhere is offending someone. Stay tuned for the shocking details"...) Because, apparently, any media about Mormons that is not produced by Mormons is insatiably offensive.

Am I the only one that is rolling my eyes at this? This just seems borderline neurotic. I mean, come on! What about all the movies and TV shows about Jews, Catholics, Teens, Mexicans...if everyone got as fired up as the Mormons about what is airing on TV about them, then nothing on TV would exist!

What about shows like The O.C, Secret Life Of The American Teenager, Degrassi...all teenage girls in America are apparently STD positive, pregnant, and sluts. Do you see anyone boycotting these shows because "it does not accurately portray moral, wholesome girls?"

Don't even get me started on the show Charmed. As a Wiccan myself, this show is laughable at best at accurately portraying the practice of Wicca. If everyone watching this show took seriously whats on it, then apparently I am a demon canoodling, all powerful witch who can pull potions and spells out of my ass. Do you see me flying the red banner at America?

No.

Because it is TV. And everyone knows TV

is about entertainment. Not facts.

No one is going to condemn the LDS church for one episode of Big Love that just so happens to recreate a temple ordinance. If only because: yes there are polygamists out there. and yes, they have temple ceremonies.

I'm so over this topic before it even began. I don't even know why I'm surprised at all or wasting my keyboard's warranty on this. Just another case of some neurotic Mormon somewhere raising hell over nothing. God forbid Mormons be mentioned anywhere at all unless its about rainbows or the sin of caffeine.

Skin Id: Product Review

2009-03-02T07:33:00.002-07:00

I'm sure you've seen the commercials on TV about the new acne treatment "Skin Id" which is clinically proven to work better and faster then proactive. I'm not usually the type to be drawn in by infomercials (actually I'm the type to laugh obnoxiously at them with popcorn in-hand late at night as a form of entertainment) but for whatever reason, this skin id stuff piqued my interest.

Ever since moving to the treacherous humid climate of Louisiana in 2006 my skin has waged war with my body.Growing up I never really had skin problems besides the occasional small breakout. But as an adult the problem grew progressively worse. I had a really bad reaction to the humidity in Louisiana (living in Utah, the second driest state in America for 18 years prior) I developed the painful and annoying breakouts that form under the skin. You know, the typically largish red bumps that hang out for weeks on end in your skin...painful, ugly,and impossible to get rid of!

When I moved back to Utah in late 2007 I was really hoping that would solve my skin dilemma. But it actually got worse! It was seemingly uncontrollable. No amount of face washing, birth control, alcohol, or bad ass skin care was helping, and i was getting larger breakouts more often, every few days.

God, talk about a self-esteem killer. I don't think there is anything worse then getting fresh out of the shower and hating what your face looks like without makeup, or not wanting to take off your makeup even when you go to bed because you hate what you see. I was noticing it was taking longer and longer to get ready for work or a night out as time went by, most of my time spent trying to cover up my blemishes. Ive become an expert at concealer and over-zealous flashbulbs on cameras are my best friend...

So, as fate would have it, those Skin Id commericals were floating around in my brain for a while and i finally thought to myself "Why not give it a try?" Obviously what I was doing wasn't working at all. So I logged onto the website (http://www.skinid.com/) and took the evaluation and ordered my products, crossing my fingers that in 7 - 10 business days my prayers would be answered with clearer skin.

Let me quickly review the website. The evaluation is actually surprisingly in-depth and relevant. Its obvious immediately that the advertisements hold true when they claim "personalized skin care solution". There isn't anything they don't cover before prescribing you the products you match up with. It really is exactly matched to you unlike anything you can get at the store.
The price is more then you would pay for regular over the counter stuff. For 3 products (i received face wash, after-shower cream, and cleaning pads) is about $40.00 at full price. But with a first time order you get a free tote bag (actually really cute!) free spot treatment, and there is a special discount for $10.00 off your first purchase (use code: NEUTROGENA10 at checkout) the price is moderately more then I'm used to paying, and the products aren't econ-sized either,smaller then you would get at the store. The size matters little though, once you realize how powerful the products are.

...wow! That is some bad ass shit, let me tell you! Ive used the most powerful stuff you can get at the store but Skin Id blows it outta the competition. You can get prescription grade ingredients (mine have stalytic acid 2%, and benzoyl peroxide 2.5%) and the "non-active" ingredients are some outrageously powerful stuff too!

I have a very high tolerance to strong ingredients in skin products, but Skin Id is the first treatment I've used where my skin has actually gotten dry and a somewhat irritated from use. I tested out the cleansing pads first and couldn't stop swearing for 5 minutes from the burning sensation (OK, my face wasn't on fire, but you get the point) The face wash I am using actually has a warning for heightened UV sensitivity for a week or more after first use. Like I said...bas ass shit.

The difference is so amazing though! I give 5 gold stars to Skin Id, Ive only been using it for less then a week, but its already obvious the change in my skin. It cleared up what breakouts I did have completely in just a few days, and I have not had any more breakouts since starting it. the pain and swelling from my under skin breakouts have gone down dramatically, and overall my skin is much less a red irritated color and more natural and soothed. Its amazing how quickly Skin Id has worked,I can only imagine how it will be in just a few weeks! My only recommendation is to invest in some very moisturizing facial lotion to combat the dryness and irritation, and my skin almost looks too oil free. I had combination skin, so it works wonders on where I had my problem areas, but the rest of my face that had normal skin is a little parched and looks kinda flat. I imagine that will get better once my skin gets used to the new regimen.

In short: I love Skin Id! This stuff really works, and is a product where you definitely get your moneys worth with result sand powerful products. I'm so relieved and excited I can finally have beautiful skin again! The self-esteem boost and stress relief cant be measured with money. The cysts and nodules that diseased my skin are extremely difficult to heal and stop, but Skin Id knocked that shit out like nothing, its amazing that in only a few days this product worked better then weeks and months of stuff I have used before. I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. It is simply THE BEST skincare I have ever used.

Grocery List

2009-02-25T01:57:00.001-07:00

2 packs of jalapeno bean and cheese chimichangas.

1 gallon of milk

pizza rolls

pasta roni x2 of every flavor

minestrone, clam chowder, tomato soup

cheese...lots and lots of cheese!

tomatoes, lettuce

butter (the real stuff), ranch dressing

all other yummy foods that are otherwise probably not very healthy but i cant stop eating

Jesus Christ I have not gone grocery shopping since the beginning of January with my Christmas money! That's a FAIL

Blog Botox

2009-02-24T05:54:00.002-07:00

So I figured it was due time for a blog face lift! I got over my "neutral" color fad. I was (and still kinda am...) obsessed with shades of grey. But spring is coming and I felt the need for some colors on my blog. I love this simple background, and the new colors blend well together, i think.

The banner has some white space that I'm considering filling with some remnants of a poem perhaps....we'll see. something thought provoking.

The base codes for my layout are pretty rock solid! :] it works well and is infinitely expandable with the inner html navigation and the sidebar. Kick ass, I would say! If you would like me to code a layout or borrow the codes for my blog, please feel free to email me.

Yes, yes, I know! I still need to actually "blog" about life. I'm getting to it, I promise! I'm waiting to download the new windows live writer 2009 before i divulge into that literary adventure......

see you soon! xoxo

Life...Yeah, Thats All I Got.

2009-02-12T04:05:00.002-07:00

Oh my! It has been a while since I have posted anything! I dont know what to say...life...thats really all there is to it, huh? There has been tons going on, but as much as I would like to sit down and write about it all, i simply find silence where there should be words tonight! But I thought I would just drop by and let you all know everything is ok. ce la vie! that is life, i suppose. I promise I will commit to sitting down and pouring forth my soul for the past month soon!

xoxo

Dani

Personal Insight

2009-01-19T05:01:00.010-07:00

Do you ever get suprised when a personality quiz actually turns out...correct? Me too! here are a few I had on facebook that I was actually pretty impressed with the accuracy. lets call it some

personal insight

Lovely Lady

You are lovely and caring. You help others and spread out a lot of sympathy.
Your life aim maybe is to serve the people. But your weakness is that you
forget about yourself, your own needs. All your time is hold back for your
friends and family. You are always there for people in trouble. Ready for
any emergency. You make a lot of sacrifices just to be a good human. But
every woman has her needs, her longings and a destiny. Don't loose yourself
in work or curing other people's souls. You will have your own problems in
your life. Another problem is that you don't say your opinion when it's
right and important to say it. People trample onto your soul if you are
always so kind and lovely and helpful. They will play on you. Though you
should try to relax more and enjoy your life, you should not loose the gift
that was given to you to help others . Not everyone is created this way...
You are uniqe and rare!

Clairsentient

Feeling is your sixth sense. Called clairsentient (clear feeling),
your inner voice is one that touches on your empathetic nature. What does this
mean? Well, you're probably the most emotional of your friends and you are very in touch with the feelings of others. As a clairsentient, you often know something is wrong because you experience an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach (or theopposite for good things). It might be that your friend has had a bad day--but hasn't told anyone--and somehow you just know what's going on. Often this type of intuitive knowledge cannot be explained. We bet you've got a bunch of friends, and who wouldn't want a friend that just knows without being told...especially on those bad days.

Your Numerology

Has lots of extraordinary ideas. Difficult to fathom. Think
forward. Unique. Brilliant. Sharp thinking. Fine, strong clairvoyance. make good
doctors. Dynamic. Secretive. Inquisitive. Know how to dig secrets. Always
thinking. Less talkative. amiable. Brave. generous. Patient. Stubborn.
hardhearted. Determined. Never quit. Hardly become angry unless provoked. Love to be alone. Think differently. Sharp-minded. Motivate self. Doesn't appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built, tough. Deep love, emotions. Romantic.
Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities.
Trustworthy. Honest. Keeps secrets. Cant control emotions. Unpredictable.

Gravity

2009-01-12T02:08:00.013-07:00

Been a long road to follow.
Been there and gone tomorrow,
without saying goodbye to yesterday.
Are the memories I hold still valid?
Or have the tears diluted them?

Maybe this time tomorrow,
the rain will cease to follow,
and the mist will fade into one more today.
Something somewhere out there keeps calling.
Am I going home?

Will I hear someone singing,
solace to the silent moon?
Zero gravity, what's it like?
Am I alone? Is somebody there,
beyond these heavy aching feet?
Still the road keeps on telling me to go on.
Something is pulling me.
I feel the gravity of it all

Gray Sky Morning

2009-01-07T17:13:00.001-07:00

In the past two weeks Utah has been dumped with snow! God, I hate the snow. Its nice for the first little while when everything is a beautiful winter wonderland, but it gets old quick when the roads are a solid block of ice, the snowbanks are higher then my head, its so fetching cold your lung freeze the second you walk out the door...and my most favorite, lets not forget here, when your driving along and your car starts spinning out of control in figure 8's. Oh the glory of living in Utah!

It's just a miracle I haven't gotten deathly ill yet. Usually by now I get strep, the flu, mono...is it too much to hope for that maybe for once I wont get the plague?

I'm already daydreaming of scorching hot days, bikinis, and blinding sunlight...

Loathing & Desire

2008-12-27T05:47:00.003-07:00

don't assume to know who i am,
don't pray upon my heart,
don't say you'll be there
when you weren't from the start

don't think you know me,
don't think you can win me,
how dare you assume it's just that easy

just because I'm alone,
doesn't mean i need you.

Compliments fall on deaf ears,
roses wilt in my window sill,
promises are hollow,
don't call me anymore

you think i am your dream girl,
i think you've got it wrong,
it means we should be together,
but that's not true at all

I don't need you
not your affection
not your desperation
not your self righteous
bullshit puppy crush

push and shove,
pull and punch,
this love is just too much

I'm suffocating from all this desire,
this terrible lovesick shit
the ones I despise keep knocking on my door,
The one I love is not here anymore

Don't think that I care,
don't think that I'll change,
I don't want your gifts,
and I don't want your shame

This lame puppy crush means nothing to me,
you don't know what its like to love,
to sacrifice, to bleed, to give it all up

I am so much stronger then you,
You would cower in my shadow,
such a sweet innocent girl,
But you couldn't handle it

I'll only say it this one time,
so take it to heart.
leave me alone,
and stay the fuck out.

Venue Of Truth

2008-12-22T01:52:00.003-07:00

A blog is a majorly public thing, a place to let the world know the thoughts in our minds and the workings of our lives. This creates a standard where some spill every thought and action in explicit detail, others to hold back their real thoughts for fear of others knowing how they feel.

I strive to go somewhere in the middle, to be truthful and open, but not to reveal my deepest secrets for the world to see. In this effort for truth, I apologize in advance if I get a little TMI {too much information} . In the end this is the chronicle of my life, and should remain so as much as possible.

post warning for {too much information} for this post. Sorry boys. This is all girl talk.

Seriously. Is it me growing older, my ovaries going into overdrive, or are my hormones just getting cluster fucked lately? Seriously? Seriously.

Since the month of July I have taken, let's see...1,2,3,4,5...7, 8. Yes. 8 pregnancy tests. I'm not lying ladies. It has been a roller coaster of womanly adventures.

It's not like I've been trying either! The first time it happened I think I almost swallowed my tongue. Or shit a brick. Whichever.

. . .It's a strange mix of emotions when your sitting there waiting for your test to turn colors. Fear: for the unknown and the extreme change. Also a wild mix of anticipation. Not necessarily a bad thing either. Its a. . .I dunno, an unexplainable sense of awe. Mixed with so much confusion you just might puke your guts out. Ugh. . .

So the yearning question, just to settle your minds. They have all been negative. I know, right? You'd think if I'd taken that many. . .oh, nevermind. Something is just out of whack with my body I guess. My cycle is all over the place. Which sucks hardcore, cause I used to be sooo regular, but over the past 6 months I've been so unpredictable. Birth control and all.

My last fiasco was just a few days ago. After grimly realizing I was two weeks overdue my my period. This occurred to me while I was driving home from work in the early morning. I was driving along and driving along until the thought dimly reached my brain:

"hum dee ho hum la dee da. . .wait a minute. . ."

{swerving on the road}

"hooooollllleeeeee craaaaaaapppp!"

. . .Of course by the 8th time around I've resigned myself to no longer darting around the store and sleuthing into the self-checkout. At this point I walk into the store and ask the clerk where the prego-tests are so I don't waste 20 minutes looking for them incognito. Lets not forget the checkout ladies who tell me "I hope it's positive!"

We then find me on my toilet at home, I don't even have to carefully read the directions and wonder which way to hold the stick. I do it in a matter-of-factly way with no fuss, no trash by my side incase I spontaneously vomit once I see the results. . .nope, it's. . .well, it just is.

Just a part of life.

Life, Love and the Pursuit of Party

2008-12-17T23:39:00.002-07:00

I just realized I haven't blogged since the 10th! What a travesty...i believe its time to do some introspective pondering on the state of my life right now...something about hazy skies and cold weather makes me feel poetic and deep in thought...

Reflecting on my life, things are going extremely well. Not to say there haven't been a few major downfalls and confusing times lately, but despite them I feel like I'm holding strong on the path I'm headed. I feel cozy & comfortable where I'm at, and I feel successful! Its a huge accomplishment for me to feel this way. For the first time in my life I'm proud of all I've done. Ive worked so hard to get where I'm at and it's finally paying off...

Can I just say how friggin' awesome it is to be 21!? I am loving it. I walk so proudly into the liquor store with my vertical license and watch them put my birthday into the computer. All the while thinking to myself "you bet my drivers license has my 16 yr old picture while I was in my "goth" stage, but I'm 21 bitches! yeaaaah!"

It rocks.

I can play pool in bars and suck major ass and drink beer. I can carry my case of Heineken to my car with a stupid grin on my face. No longer do I have to coyly hide beer cans in the garbage. Huzzah! I know what it means to truly be alive!

I think I'm a proud weekend alcoholic. Is it wrong to look forward to the weekend all week long just knowing you'll be drinking till dawn. . .? I just don't think I can help myself. Ive noticed a change in my personality since high school, I was (still am) so introverted, I would get nervous about going out, meeting new people, being social. . .sometimes it made me feel anxious. I was uncomfortable going out. I wasn't socially awkward perse', but I was not confident. That's something that has definitely changed over the years! I love to go out, I like meeting new friends, and I've grown to be so comfortable with myself Ive developed a lot of confidence. I sort of have a warm friendly personality now, I can cozy up to almost anyone. Oh how things change. . .

The older I grow, the more I adapt to my true self over the years, I see how I have blossomed out of my shell. I can shake my head at the olden days of high school, how shy I was! O-M-G I would get so nervous. . .its weird to see how you change and adapt over the years. Ive adapted into someone who is more extroverted, more adventurous, more confident, more. . .connected to my true self.

. . .sigh. I think I can attribute this blog as an example of what happens when you down a Rockstar in less then 5 minutes. wooooooo...

♥ (shout out to my girl:) I think I owe a huge part of my transformation to Kali , girl wherever you are: I love you always and forever! You were one of the very best most beautiful & wonderful people I think I will ever know. You helped me so much, I will eternally thank you for everything you have done for me. You were like an angel from the heavens. I will always think of you as one of my very best friends! Love you girl. ♥

You Are Invited!

2008-12-10T03:20:00.009-07:00

YOU ARE INVITED TO MY WELCOMING PARTY!

I just moved into my new fabulous apartment, and you are invited to my special welcoming party, we need help breaking the place in! :) there will be lots of...

♠ yummy treats
♠ music
♠ delicious cocktails
♠ drinking games
♠ fun times, good friends & memories
Be prepared to stay up all night long partying!

please RSVP ; It will be held on :

Saturday the 27th or Friday the 2nd

please message my Facebook or Myspace, or email me at: starlilly03@yahoo.com with the date that works best if you are attending so I can decide which day to have it on!

pica pizzaz!

2008-12-08T22:54:00.003-07:00

Time For Hope, Fun & New Beginnings

I need to start thinking of my resolutions for the coming year...

Well, I had a killer weekend! I will have pictures of the action this week sometime, as soon as I can snatch my camera back from Derek...

Life has taken a drastic change for me in the last few weeks. I find myself in a completly different place then I was even only a few days ago. Change is so hard, so unknown...but I feel strong. I feel like I'm facing the rising sun of a new horizon.

Waiting for the hope of a new day to dawn.

DTV Transition = Hell On Earth @ Comcast

2008-12-04T01:51:00.003-07:00

So...here is the bane of my existence. Whenever the phrase "DTV Transition" is uttered around the office, there is a collective shudder of hatred from us employee's. Why, you may ask? The video tells all...

Unfortunetly or not, as funny as this video is, at the call center probably about 70% of our conversations about the transition follow this video exactly! Oh the woe of technology, how you screw the elderly!

Hopelessly Loveable and Geeky = Me.

2008-11-28T05:47:00.006-07:00

This is proved simply by this: Chi's Sweet Home. These adorable minisodes have me lovelocked!

This is a anime series all about cats. Through the viewpoint of a mischievous baby kitteh. This minisode is about the perils of potty training baby kittens. O-M-G. I freakin love it. Like, anime fangirl squeezing chibi plush with sparkly bubbles in the background and stars in my eyes love it. CAPSLOCK does not fully express my fandom for this mini-series. Which, through complex mathematical evaluation leaves me to only one conclusion...

...Fuck. I'm a nerd.

...who likes kitteh's.

Holiday Tag!

2008-11-27T04:21:00.003-07:00

Holiday Tag

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? wrapping paper!!! half the fun of presents is the impossible journey to shred the untearable fortress of tape and ribbons!

2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. Real tree= messy pain in the ass.

3. When do you put up the tree? Day after Thanksgiving

4. When do you take the tree down? after January 1...eventually.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? everything.

7. Hardest person to buy for? TONY. makes my brain explode.

8. Easiest person to buy for? Myself. I'm so predictable.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? no. we did when i was a kid though. and we never went to church. ironic?

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?Mail. its funner to actually hold them.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? i don't know...I'm pretty appreciative of almost anything.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? CHRISTMAS VACATION!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? way too late...

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?...no? i wouldn't put it past me.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? divinity!!!!!

16. Lights on the tree? of course!!!

17. Favorite Christmas song? "the Christmas song"

18. Travel at Christmas or stay at home?...depends on the year.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?you know Dasher, Dancer, Prancer & Vixon, Comet& Cupid Donald & Blitzen & Rudolph! yay!!!

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? star. I'm a star girl.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? no, save them all for Christmas day. eve is for staying up really late watching Christmas movies with lots of sweet treats and everyone you know :) .

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? its cold. and negotiating time off at work!

23. What theme or color are you using? i dunno...usually rainbow. :)

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? seriously? food is good. any food is good.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? jeez...i haven't even given it any thought! all I'm thinking about is everyone else!

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? SHANNA! I check your blog!!!!. Everyone who would respond to this probably has already done it. haha!

27. Who is least likely to respond to this? Lora...

28. Does Christmas mean Santa or Christ's birth to you? Both. more Santa maybe. because Christmas is a lot about fantasy and good cheer. I didn't grow up devout christian, but i believe celebrating Christ is also very meaningful.

29. Do you go to Church on Christmas? Ha! ...no.

30. Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?Happy Holidays! Christmas ain't the only one! It should be happy for EVERYONE!

31. Do you wear Christmas sweat shirts or sweaters? no...barf.

Suffering

2008-11-24T08:44:00.004-07:00

lies.

deceit.

pain.

suffering.

heartache.

madness.

destruction.

indifference.

worthlessness.

...uncertainty.

life is never kind.

ICHC Celebration

2008-11-17T18:48:00.001-07:00

CELEBRATING 50 POSTS ON MY BLOG

as told with icanhascheezburger!

A Perfect Post To Start The Workweek With...

2008-11-10T19:53:00.001-07:00

I can never start my workday without a cup of cappuccino. I cant imagine work without it!

I coffee!

Party Weekend!!! (updated)

2008-11-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

my very own adopted birthday cake! thank you so much Jami & Chris for making me feel so special!

The beautiful cake! It was so scrumptious!

this is just me and the boys! gosh, I look tiny compared to all of them!

me and my girls! and greg counts himself in on the fun in the background.

me and the wee ones! while we were all partying the kids we downstairs having a Halloween party. The girls kept showing us their "dances", which after a few drinks were pretty freakin amazing!

party like a rockstar!!!

Janna is so ADORABLE! Such a sweetie to talk to

this is what we call the "man cave". our hangout spot in the garage! It's awesome!!!

. . . .

this is Skyler just doing the thing he does best. Play on his guitar!

Im very stoked...if you can tell.

Greg Doing what he does best. Drink! Haha!

Chris and Skyler just being typical siblings...

thanks to Jami for some of the extra photos!

The Rights Of Humankind (Proposition 8)

2008-11-04T01:40:00.009-07:00

A blog in response to: "Gay Marriage Threatens Individual Freedom" At TheLewisLook

* Before I begin, I would like to post a friendly warning to my readers

that this blog explores issues of sexuality, religion, & morality.

If these are topics that offend you; please feel free to look away :) *

The debate on Proposition 8 is a heated and personal battle for the freedom (or lack thereof) of Americans, and the defined rights of Humankind that are ever changing, and becoming more defined in this New Age. There are many views that will effect the outcome of this important legislation, perhaps most importantly the definition of marriage, family, and love. . .

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. . .Before I discuss my personal views on this, I would like to share my opinion on Gay's & Lesbian's. This may not be a choice that I can intellectually understand, but I believe it is the pure and nonnegotiable right of all people to live the way they wish, love whomever they want, and express themselves in any shape, way, or form. We as a people can not judge and deny others what is their God given rights. Yes, God given . Those who debate that Gay's & Lesbian's are not protected and loved by God are wrong. People who say this, say it out of hate and ignorance. For if they truly understood what it means to have unconditional love , as God does, would understand that he accepts all of his children unconditionally. He loves murderers, porn stars, liars, saints, atheists, priests, and yes, the gay's and lesbians; all with the same absolute love and acceptance.

I believe this is wisely interpreted by Author Chris Levan; he writes:

"The best response that scripture can give with regard to homosexuality is the
declaration that our Creator is very often not concerned about the 'who' of
relationship so much as the 'how.' It simply asks if the relationship is
functioning according to principles of justice and dignity? Does the partnership
demonstrate mutual trust and compassion? If so, it is blessed by God." *

This is also truthfully written about by Jimmy Creech, former senior pastor of the First United Methodist Church, in Omaha, Nebraska:

"...there was no understanding of sexual orientation in the culture and time when scripture was written. There was not even a word for 'homosexuality' or
'homosexual' in Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic, the original languages of scripture.
There are biblical references that condemn same-sex sexual behavior, but they
are all within contexts related to violence, idolatry, promiscuity and
exploitation. Careful reading within the historical setting reveals that it is
the violence, idolatry, promiscuity and exploitation that is condemned, not the
same-sex sexual behavior. The same condemnation is given to opposite-sex sexual
behavior that is violent, idolatrous, promiscuous and exploitative." *

I believe these powerful testimonies accurately sum up the flawed and hateful arguments made by much less informed individuals to perpetuate inequality in our world today. Lets now move on to Marriage.

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On this topic, though also heavily inspired by hate and shallow arguments, I do see valid points made by conservatives and some religious communities. Most notably it is the argument on "The Definition Of Marriage" as being between a man and a woman. This view is based off tradition, and indeed a valid point of discussion. Marriage has been defined as between a man and a woman. The real question is, is this definition changeable?

Some say absolutely not. what was; always will be, and is an abomination to change. This is an emotional, specific, and personal relationship that has been very closely tied to religious values, and in many ways is a sacred tradition. In this respect, I believe it is fair to argue that marriage should not be changed to include same-sex relationships. If this happens it is also plausible that issues of polygamy would possibly be forced to be included in legal marriages. The whole structure of marriage could crumble.

On the other hand, marriage is about two things: 1). Love. 2). lifelong commitment.

In this respect, there is no logical reason to deny any couple the right to get married. These two principles are universal and open to anyone willing to commit themselves to another person. Love, above all things, is the most important part of our lives. To deny someone their right to swear an oath unto God of their love and commitment is wrong. Especially for selfish ideals like, "I can and you can't" "I'm better then you" "God favors me and not you". Is ridiculous!

Gay's and Lesbians have the right to a relationship that is recognized by our government, with all the benefits of man/woman couples. They have the right to a union that is respectable, wholesome, understood, and universal as marriage. Though understandably it would be depressing to see their unions requiring a different label, because separation would surely cause some kind of segregation. Ultimately though, a legal union synonymous with Marriage is a right that simply must be recognized.

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Lastly, I would like the address Gay's and Lesbians in the context of family. This was a heavy argument in my friends article "Gay Marriage Threatens Individual Freedom", that I would like to counteract. Claims suggesting that a same-sex union of parents in a family would cause "developmental harm to children". Stated as such in his closing argument:

". . . The fact that both parents have a biological connection to the child
would increase the likelihood that the parents would identify with the child and
be willing to sacrifice for that child...When homosexual couples claim that
their lifestyle has no affect on other persons they are wrong. Children brought
into such a home will be deeply affected by the behavior of their parents, and
all children have the right to be brought into an environment that will best
provide for their development.In light of this evidence, it is clear that the
legalization of gay marriage would not be a step in granting greater liberty to
the American people, but, to the contrary, would lead to the undermining of
fundamental personal and religious rights. It is, therefore, the duty of
citizens and government to protect these rights by promoting whatever measures
are available to restrict this practice."

Points were made that suggested single-parent homes and homes with "non-biological children" i.e, adoption. were detrimental to a child's mental well-being and development. Though this is certainly true in homes where the child has experienced the divorce of their parents, this is however meaningless in an argument based solely on same-sex parents. So that instantly voids the massive trauma associated with living in a single family home, and only leaves the repercussions of missing a "mother or father figure"

I believe he was trying to make the argument that living in a home without one of these core role models is why same-sex parents should not be allowed to have children and families. A brief examination of this claim, however, has only to reflect on the habits of heterosexual families to be quickly debunked.

Here are some quick statistics:

only 63% of American children grow up with both biological parents -- the lowest figure in the Western world. *
As of 2003, 43.7% of custodial mothers and 56.2% of custodial fathers were either separated or divorced. (that's up to 56% of households with children that do not have direct contact with both parents) *
Forty percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers *

Obviously, these statistics shed some doubt on the inability of same-sex couples to foster children. Is this to prove that single mom homes should not be allowed to take care of their children? After all, they are lacking a father figure, does that make it an unsuitable home? Of course not! To even argue that couples socially and legally cannot have children because there is not 1 male and 1 female parenting children is absurd! How can we be so critical in their ability to take care of a good family, when our own orientation has diverse families with many different types of households? This argument is statistically and logically incorrect.

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There are many more arguments that could be made in support of this topic, but I believe this covers the three most debated issues. In closing i would like to say that many, many people who argue against Gay's and Lesbians simply do not understand their lifestyle and act out their ignorance with hate and misinformation. When we take a moment to look at the issue as a whole, we must see that d i v e r s i t y should not be an issue if intolerance, but of acceptance. For it is the right of every person on the planet to live as they choose.

* Quotes and references are from ReligiousTolerance.Org

* statistics from DivorceMag.com

Obama Is My Hero!

2008-10-29T03:47:00.003-06:00

VOTE FOR OBAMA NOVEMBER 4TH!

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY!

2008-10-24T00:49:00.002-06:00

this is whats going down on Saturday! Its going to be one hell of a night.

If im generous I'll post some (probably not so flattering) pictures of the action!

But very funny and very entertaining, I'm sure! Can't wait ! ! !

My Handsome Boy

2008-10-23T18:01:00.001-06:00

There is no other point of this post other then to show off my incredibly dashing, devastatingly handsome, silky-furred soul mate; Zodiac.

if looks could kill...so much intelligence in his eyes! Not to mention attitude!

I LOVE YOU

Feelings Of Insecurity

2008-10-21T03:07:00.002-06:00

I need to seriously update the social workings of my life lately! So I have a few adventures to spill out tonight...

Well, on the first weekend this month I decided to go out and about with my very deliciously cute coworker Crystal. I actually started my training class at Comcast with her. She was one of my classmates, and from day 1 we started as friends. :) .

We had a fabulous time! I met her after she got off work at Comcast and we went through the drive-thru KFC because we were absolutely starving! What a jip that was! They were out of biscuits, crispy chicken, AND they tried to sell us a bucket of chicken before we even ordered. Really? Either A) we must look like total pigs, and B) Ive never had anyone at a fast food restaurant try to upsell me anything. I mean, do they get commission from making me fatter now, or what? So I had to settle for some very uncrispy chicken...very un-KFC like. Sadness...

We ended up driving around eating our food and talking about the wild things in life. Very scandalous topics! :) it was a lot of fun.

Somehow that ended up being our whole night out. Just driving around aimlessly talking all night long. It ended up getting us lost...that was scary for a while. Somehow, we ended up in American Fork! I don't even know how it happened! So we spent forever trying to get back to Salt Lake with no success, driving around endlessly in the suburbia with a church literally on every street corner. Ive never seen so many churches clustered together in my life! It was creepy.

Long story short, after a doomed night of lostlessness we managed our way back to civilization. But not before Crystal had a security-breakdown. We laughed all night with our catch-phrase of the night "FEELINGS OF INSECURITY!" after being lost for so long. Security was found eventually, though, and we made it safely home. ...Wondering to ourselves..."um, so what was it that we were going to do tonight, again...?"

Fashion Vendetta

2008-10-17T08:26:00.003-06:00

Fall is upon us! and with it chilly weather that delightfully inspires cozy fabrics, soft sweaters, and sexiness that is only more alluring with the more clothes that you put on...

I'm on a major fashion mission this season to stock up on some winter essentials. My closet is bone dry when it comes to warm clothing. So here is my fashion must have's this season...:

KNITTED / CROCHETTE STYLES

Tony always complains that I have "grandma taste" because I love anything vintage. I have this obsession with fabrics that are knitted or crocheted, (partly in thanks to me taking a sewing class in school) I think it looks so damn classy and gives a kinda "girl next door vibe", which is definitely my taste. So I really want some pieces like this...

CUTE DETAILS

I really like this sweater with the buttons. I want some pieces with details that stand out and are a little unconventional...just a little something to make it unique.

CUTE COLORED...UNDERSTUFF

Ok, so every girl on the planet probably doesn't need more underwear then she already has stuffed away in her closet, but I really want some oh la la negligees. Some fanciful colors will do me good during this barren season.

DEEP V-NECKS

I have to admit, I'm not a fan of covering myself up. A deep neckline is my favorite thing to wear. (not to confuse with letting boobs hang out of the world to see. Then again, if I had enough boob to literally "hang out", I'd be pretty stoked.) But a little bit of skin showing in the cold season is sexy.

...plus, what else am I going to use my summer tops for? They'll be put to use layering. Sweet!

MILITARY INSPIRATION

I desperately want a trench coat this winter. Like, I would chew my own arm off to have one. I love, love,love military-inspired fashion. (Not that ogling over Marine dress-uniforms while Tony was in the service had, er, anything to do with it...) Its so timeless. Makes me think of the movie Casablanca or a 1940's detective. What girl doesn't want that!?

SEXY NIGHT OUT TOPS

I'm determined to try something out of my comfort zone this season! I've always been a "basics" kind of girl, and I'm trying to break away from that just a little bit and venture into something more bold. Wish me luck!

Indescision

2008-10-08T04:08:00.004-06:00

Holla from Comcast!

Its about 4:08 in the morning, and I just realized...

I'm the only one in the building.

Yes. A fortune 100 company, and still only one employee manning the fort!

Ok, so I may only be alone for 15 minutes or so, my supervisor and other coworker are on break at the moment. A sobering insight, though...

Anyway, just another quick update. Still working on the design. As some may have noticed the layout has changed a couple times within the last few days. I'm working on several designs right now, and I simply cant decide what I want! The graphics. vertical navigation, or horizontal....Ack! So I'm testing each out for a few days to see which functions better. So, again, sorry for the madness! Everything should return to normal soon.

xoxo

New Layout!

2008-10-04T18:36:00.004-06:00

Hey all! So this is the new layout for my blog. Exciting!

It looks pretty blase' right now, I'm still working on the html, so the graphics will be up in a day or two. But I'm really liking the new navigation. There's a lot more room for my links, friends, bio, archives, ect....which was the big problem I had with the other layout. I'm very excited to be adding more content!

So, check back in a day or two to see more.

...oh, and I'm working through the navigation still, so it may stick/freeze a bit when trying to re-access pages. Just exit out of my blog and come back in and it will be corrected. sorry about that! On a a side note, the HTML for this blog is the toughest I've ever done in my whole life! Its extremely complicated... much more complex then anything I've ever done before! But I'm very proud of myself for figuring it out, migraine headache and all...

xoxo

October Plans

2008-10-03T11:44:00.002-06:00

At the risk of having one long post with lots of random points, I decided to post another blog for today because I just have sooo much on my mind today!

So here's what's going on this month for me. As I mentioned before, Chris & Jami moved to Saratoga Springs and the area is really nice. My mouth hung open looking at all the gorgeous houses there. And so, so many are for sale! The ratio of houses to actual families living there is probably 4:1. Its almost creepy in a way, it seems like a ghost town in some areas. The houses for sale have overgrown lawns with weeds taller then me, some at a standstill in the building process as if they have been unfinished for a very long time. One house still had the scaffolding attached to it and rusting away. We explored some of the empty houses, the insides a hollow paradise to birds and critters of all sorts.

I'm sure it has something to do with the terrible economy. As unfortunate as that is (today the stock market crashed -777 points. a bigger crash then Great Depression...) Its a gold mine for house buyers. House values are reported to drop another 20% soon. Tony and I really want to buy a house in Spring time and we have fallen in love with Saratoga Springs. We'll likely choose a house in there to live. Its a wonderful neighborhood, big gorgeous, affordable houses, Away from the city but still a short drive away...I'm so excited!

In other news the apartment Tony and I reside in finally has couches! When Tony moved back to Utah the movers lost the couches we had, so we had to wait a millennia for them to give us our check for the lost goods. Then another 2 months for the leather couches we ordered to be made. Finally, tonight, we got them and have them in the living room! FINALLY! No more lawn chairs!!! Now I can actually invite people over and not be horribly embarrassed by our lawn-chair setup...the couches are beautiful too. A dark brown with red tones, they look very chic'.

Gosh, what else is going on? This weekend I plan to go to a movie with a few friends from work. I think I'll go see Tropic Thunder.

Should be a very eventful month. I love October. I love the leaves changing colors, the sweet smell in the air, the chill in the morning....it makes me want to go to the mall and pick out a gazillion cute sweaters! I love it! My most favorite holiday Halloween, going to haunted houses...it's always such an exciting time!

And lets not forget my 21st BIRTHDAY! OCTOBER 24th! Its already been decided. My Little Pony party favors. No, no, no...if there is alcohol there then you just have to put up with it. You can get shit faced with me as long as you eat birthday cake with me on pony plates .

( Tony are you reading this? Pssst, get me a chocolate fudge cake with raspberry in the middle...and the Smirnoff Ice grape...)

Oh. Wait. I guess I would be perfectly capable of doing that myself. That will take getting used to...

Skank Balls No More

2008-10-03T11:42:00.002-06:00

A very sad day indeed today. The f-ing awesome piercing on my neck is no more. I loved it. Loved it to death! But...sadly...due to a twist in events and, shall we say, misinformation, they had to be taken out for my own health.

So, the night I got them done I specifically remember, and I quote, The guy who did it told me I could change out the bar 2 weeks after I got it done, neglecting to mention a very key piece of information! That I could not, infact, have a straight barbell in it. It had to be a banana bar (like you have in eyebrow/belly button piercing's) or a bar with the bars protruding out of my skin like when I had gotten it done. Which he didn't say at all. (The angled out bar, he told me, was to "allow for swelling" with first getting it done. hello! This may have been a good time to mention "oh, yeah, by the way, this ugly piece of crap is the only kind you can have in.") It makes no sense. I'm very upset about it. I told him I wanted "a straight barbell", so why didn't he correct me? God damn it. I'm so disappointed. I loved it so much...

If I had kept the straight bar in it like I had, eventually it would have split my skin open and it just would have fallen out! ( aaahh!) Fuck a bunch of that! Though I was curious as to why it was not healing. It was constantly red, the holes not closing up like they should. Its because the straight bar puts pressure on the holes, not allowing them to heal and also bowing the bar, which would have caused it to eventually break the skin open. Sorry for the nasty details...

Anyway...I'll stop bitching. The title by the way is what Tony unaffectionatly called them. "Skank Balls". HAHA. Funny stuff. He says I don't blog about him enough.

So this weekend was busy, busy, busy. On Saturday we went to Rocky Mountain Raceway with Rusty, Chris, and Jami. My already extended family. We had lots of fun watching the drag races. It sort of reminded me of the fair in Coalville. nachos, grandstands, redneck entertainment... except in Coalville peopled walked around with jugs of Jack Daniel's and bottles of beer! Here there was a huge line to get beer in a tiny plastic cup... poor city slickers.

We spent the night at Chris and Jami's new house in Saratoga Springs. It is beautiful! And huge! Breathtakingly awesome. It makes me depressed when I have to return to my little apartment after traversing through they're big, beautiful house...

Most of the night we spent in the garage with the Harley's discussing life and family. A really nice mellow night. When Rusty comes to visit we love to stay up late and listen to his stories. He's in his 50's and lives in Washington state (Jami's dad, for reference) He is one interesting bad ass son of a bitch. I love that man. I can only hope when I get old I can be half as cool as him. But maybe a little less perverted. Love you Rusty.

Sunday was Carson's 5th birthday party. With a buffet of chips & dip, fried chicken, and Spider Man decorations and balloons and streamers everywhere. I want to be a kid again so I can have My Little Pony party favors and balloons and fun stuff...well, my 21st birthday IS on the 24th, so... I wonder if everyone would appreciate the decor? To hell with it! Its my freakin birthday. I'll do it!

An Interesting Thought

2008-09-26T17:08:00.002-06:00

I track my blog stats with stat counter , a really simple and extremely through counter that is totally free! Only today have I explored some of its more advanced features...

wow!!!

I have visitors from all over the world checking out my blog! And here I thought just my friends and family from facebook and myspace were dropping by once in a while! Looking into the stats I have visitors from all across America and Europe. Italy, Germany, California, Nevada, Philadelphia...and places inbetween. Craziness.

A humbling revelation, for sure.

In other news im trying to revamp the navigation for my site. Its going through a bit of an overhaul, so pardon me if it looks weird for a few days while I work through it.

Oh! One last thing before I snuggle down into a nap before work. Today the new Noodles & Company opened on 104th south and state, and they invited all Comcast employees to dine in for free today! I was soooo excited! I love pasta, I could eat it everyday for the rest of my life in blissful happiness and I was very eager to try it out. I even skidded by on three hours of sleep just so I could go!

WOW. It is absolutely delicious! And very reasonably priced (even if I hadn't gotten it for free! ) Some very unique fanfare with three menus: Asian, Mediterranean, and American. Mmm, mmm! They also have Fresca on tap, which I've never seen before. Awesome. I'm so glad I got a chance to try it out! Ill definitely be coming back soon!

Good Fortune

2008-09-26T06:58:00.002-06:00

What a spectacular day today! Things are going so well! I've had a swell of good luck lately that's almost too good to be true...

This was of course, as karma tends to go, shadowed by lots of bad luck beforehand...On the 12th my car just so happened to crap out on me while I was on my way to a fun filled night with friends. Turns out the alternator went to total shit. My car wouldn't even turn over as i tried to start it. It just sat there, a completely useless $5,000 heap of junk! My brain was about to explode...

So there I was stranded in a bar parking lot for hours waiting for rescue. Long story short, after many failed attempts to start it, it somehow, magically, started up just when we were about to tow it away. I drove it tentivly home fingers crossed and made it to my apartment parking lot. The next morning Tony replaced the alternator and it purred to life again, resurrected.

And before that, Tony's truck transmission went out, and in the process of replacing it we now need to replace the exhaust system.... . Lets be vague, but that's a whole loooot of money. (money I that could have been spent for us to go to disney world!!!! gaaahh! ) Don't even get me started on that...

That's a big portion of the bad luck lately, but lets focus on the good stuff.

Tony got hired on with the medical insurance company Atena making $17 an hour! For the past few months he has been collecting unemployment that basically equated to about $8.50 an hour and that's what we've been living on for about six months....

As if that wasn't wonderful enough, I just got a raise at Comcast! I went from making 11.50 to now 13.25!!! And I'm due for another raise in March!

...Is this really possible? I'm hesitant to believe such good things are happening! The huge difference in our income now is outstanding. I've never dreamed of living with so much, I'm not sure I even know what to do with it! My brain is scrambling. I have never known life without financial hardship...since I was a child, it has always been tough with money. It's been so sure and constant for so long...and now there is so much potential for a new life, dreams to be realized...

Fellis Folly

2008-09-25T07:18:00.002-06:00

Greetings from the 2nd floor at Comcast! Blogging at work here, just had to share the craziness going on here tonight!

Good freakin God! So here's the deal. We at Comcast sometimes experience certain customers , of the variety who seem to enjoy calling us all day long, every day; and are seriously crazy. I'm talking "mentally insane" here.

There is one known as Mr. Fellis. He is so notorious that everyone in the call center knows him by name. He calls in every single day without fail, usually three or four times. To talk about everything you can think of...except his Comcast service, of course.

There really are no words to describe how ridiculous this man is! It is baffling, completely absurd, absolutely infuriating! I've had the pleasure of talking to him at least 4 times that I care to remember. Each call has lasted over a half an hour of him just rambling insanity!

Let me paint a picture for you. The first call was about him demanding the address to the office in Philadelphia so he could write the president of Comcast about how horrible our customer service is. And of course, he asked for my name so it could be included in the letter to list the employees who should be fired. Then, some days later, he delighted me with his 57 minute long diatribe about the state of our country and how in 5 years we will all be implanted with micro chips so the government can regulate the money we spend, robots will replace my job, XXX porn will be aired on cable tv (it's his right to watch it as much, whenever he wants. Apparently.), then another call about how he gets paid to record NFL and college football games and how he travels all across the country working for CNN news. And my last call on Monday was of him telling me how he fought in the Vietnam war so "little 20yr old ungrateful idiots like me" had our freedom.

And that's just the calls I've had the pleasure of sitting through.

He loves to call in the middle of the night, so we get him the most out of anyone. In this week alone he has cycled through my teammates, and this is the weirdness he has gifted to us in the last few days. Extending to probably 4 hours of talk time. Its freakin ridiculous:

How he made his computer by himself and stole it from Afghanistan, his "vault" in his basement that is hooked to electrodes, that holds his precious Elvis memorabilia, gambling, incest, Barack Obama, how he worked for the CIA, fought in all the wars and helped in Iraq, his 60 terabyte computer, he was kicked out of a retirement home for his "bladder condition" which is discrimination...

God, I just can't go on. You get the point. We always leave notes on the accounts we access, and its become so egregious that we've lost our minds. Normal notes on an account are about billing, services, troubleshooting....his look something similar to this:

9/05: cust called in demanding to speak w/ pres of comcast. told this is not possible. cust asked to speak with someone less moronic then me..

9/08: cust said he will blow the call center up.

9/13: WTF?

9/14: 68 minute call. kill me now.

9/17: customer is irate because we dont allow 1-900-numbers on our phones and XXX porn. comcast does not allow freedom of speech.

9/20: He wants to know what I look like and where I live so we can hang out :( . Advised my supervisor of his suspicious behavior.

9/21: cust just went on and on and on and on...

9/22: is this legal?????????????

I wish I were exaggerating.

.......There really are no words. The whole reason I started blogging though is because my poor teammate Laura got stuck listening to him tonight and she was going nuts. And it was just "one of those nights" where you start laughing at everything, and we all talked about how insane this man is for a full hour, laughing our asses off to tears! You could hear us laughing hysterically from across the building! Good day at work for sure !

Some Of My New Favorite Things

2008-09-11T07:13:00.002-06:00

Here are some fantastic new stuff I've found lately...

Windows Live Writer

If all of my favorite foods like: popcorn, chimichangas, slurpees and MnM's morphed into one single awesome thing, that's what Windows Live Writer is for my blog. It is wonderful. It is the most useful, easy, creative, writing tool I've found. I highly recommend anyone who has a blog to download it. It is a very innovative rich text editor. I've always had to use some type of HTML to format my posts, especially with images, video, etc. Even in Blogger this can be a royal pain in the ass sometimes. Don't even get me started on trying to format media to have text-wrap and actually look half decent...

But WLW makes it extremely easy. The ability to customize posts is greatly improved with this tool. It downloads the layout and style of your blog so it the draft your writing looks exactly like it would in your blog. If you want to add media, formats, colors, awesomeness...just the click of a button and it's done. No messing with HTML to get it right. It also saves your log in information so you can publish from Writer, without ever having to log into your blog site first, and you can save drafts while offline and post instantly when you have an Internet connection. What a god send!

Definitely check it out. here's the link for the download: Windows Live Writer

Kao-Ani Emoticons

Holy hell I am such a nerd. I love these things. Expect to see them obnoxiously plastered and overused all over my blog for the next foreseeable future. They're just so...oh, see for yourself!

kissing! aww sad face! ah!shocked face cheering!

oh my god and there are so many more! God, I love them to death. Im such an Otaku, it really is sickening...

Here is the link to the website: Kao-Ani .com

Customizable Windows Stuff

Have you ever thought to yourself "I'm tired of having dumb Windows XP icons that are a tangent of the same bland icons from Windows 98. I'm sick of looking at them." Well I sure did. So I searched around the net for something new and cool, and found it at Pixel Girl Presents.com. It showcases original art from talented artists that you can use for your computer. Desktops, icons, articles and tutorials. It's highly unique and stylized, Im a huge fan of the site.

<---- Delicious buttered toast icon for "My Documents" and dark roast coffee icon for "My Computer" ----->

A graveyard shift vampire like myself can always appreciate the zen of triple shot espresso coffee. Now my computer appreciates it too.

PixelGirlPresents.com

Geekologie .com

Words cannot describe. Its so funny. You must go to the site

(Jeez, can I post one blog where I'm not saying something totally geeky? Not likely.)

Adventures of Evonne and Shanna

My incredibly humorous and nice coworkers here at Comcast. Their blogs are delightful! It's a peek into the hectic lives of marriage, family, and all the drama and chaos that goes along with it. They are very chic', definitely worth a visit!

Evonne : The Ballard Bunch

Shanna: Odoyle Rules!

Now I have the insight to the wonderful madness that is my future family. Gosh, I wonder what its going to be like to have kids. If it were up to Tony we would already have a half dozen wee ones running around. At times I question my sanity to be able to have kids. I think I would be a terrific mother. But poopy diapers, trying to discipline them right, Feeding them healthy, keeping them happy but not spoiled...

Somehow, on Facebook everyone has voted me "best potential mother"

...hmm.

And All Without A Single Drop Of Rum!

2008-09-05T08:11:00.002-06:00

Oh my! The rum, the rum...the things it does. I fancy myself a Jack Sparrow enthusiast. This summer is some pretty solid proof of that. There was lots of partying and staying out late, and generally getting into trouble. (What summer is complete without that...?) I daresay your life needs some serious adjustments if you don't find yourself getting into shenanigans, that you look back on with a mix of humor and shaking your head, saying, "had I known there was a toilet seat on that bucket, things would have been a lot easier..."

This summer really was a blast. There was camping up in Echo canyon, boating at Rockport lake, and many nights under the stars discussing life... OH! Almost forgot to tell you, I got my neck pierced! (not induced by rum, surprisingly. I was completely rum-free.) That was fucking painful as hell! usually they use a specialized needle for it, a lot like how they use the gun to do your ears, but that apparently didn't work for me. My partner-in-crime-piercer had primed my neck for the procedure, trying about three times to get it through unsuccessfully. (Did I mention this was painful, yet?)

He paused. "Hmm..." he said.

"What!?" I squeaked out.

"The skin on your neck is unusually tight...that's really strange. I cant get the needle through. We'll have to free hand it."

(What? too-tight neck skin? Bizarre. I have a feeling though that its from blow drying my hair upside down all the time. Really uses your shoulders/neck muscles. Can I help it if I'm buff in the neck? :P )

So...free hand needle. That was scary. He brings out this massive long needle and raises his eyebrow. "You sure?"

"Yep!" I squeak. My heart felt like it was jumping out of my chest.

"Ok... Just breathe."

I took in big, deliberate gulps of air. The needle pierced my skin, it pinched really badly, and just went on, and on, and on...It was insanely painful. Each second he threaded it through my skin it doubled in pain(1/4 an inch deep! That's some serious meat!) I was clenching my fists so hard, eyes open, and help perfectly still. I didn't think it was possible. When I see people getting tattoo's I always think 'how can they sit still', but I think your body goes into shock. The pain definitely put me in shock! My body was trembling. The whole process seemed to take an eternity, in reality it took over a minute to get the needle all the way through! I did not cry. I'm not ashamed to admit that is very satisfying to say :).

The healing process is maddening. The first week was bad, equally painful and ridiculous because the barbell is angled outward to allow for swelling. Which looks really stupid and goth-esque. I'm not one to fool anyone into thinking I'm a badass, so this big piece of metal jutting out of my neck makes me feel like a loser. Plus always getting tangled in my hair. Annoying.

Its been three weeks since I got it done and finally was able to switch to a more feminine piece of jewlery. I practically skipped to Hot Topic in a jolly dance, ecstatic to pick out something cool.

What I finally settled on was some simple 16 gauge sterling silver balls to go into the 14 gauge thread. Its pretty, but subtle and not overly-obvious. I like it a lot! I adore that when I have my hair up they accent the look, something cute and unique. Very stylish...to me, anyway. I'm a little strange, but oh well! :)

Let me add a small rave for awesomeness of plastic. What I picked out for the thread (what goes under the skin) was high grade plastic that is flexible. Very comfortable! Really convenient too, makes putting the bastard in a lot easier (its got an inch to travel through! NOT FUN.) I love technology.

Did I also mention the fact that all this did not take place at a shop? Nope, this was all done in the comfort of a dear friends house. At a party...needless to say. I had entered the premise with innocent intentions. But that didn't last long... All I heard the moment walking in was a garbled unison of "LOOK WHAT I GOT DONE!" And body parts magically lost clothing to share the pierced-mania. (<-----that's a picture of what is pretty much looks like there. though mine is a little lower, hitting at the nape of the neck.)

Apparently a good friend of a friend had showed up with his wandering freelance piercing kit and...well...as things go when there is alcohol...

Why the hell was I rum-free for this? It makes no sense. Anyway, what had given me the inspiration for this unusual decision was actually stopping by the grocery store before I came over. The ghetto Smiths was host to all types of freaks and whores. While I was picking dinner from a disappointing selection of Hamburger Helper a latino girl came scooting by me in shorts that were honest to God so tight and so short she could barely walk! I'm not kidding. She shuffled by on 5-inch heels and a tight belly shirt, cheeks and boobs threatening to rip open her scant clothes at any moment. I peered form the corner of my eyes and noticed a piercing on her lower back. A barbell nestled between her love handles. So very not cute.

And somehow, impossibly, the idea morphed in my head at the party. I somehow turned the skanky version into something I had never considered before. But once I had the idea I wanted it. No turning back. It had to be done. I can thank the latino girl wearing almost nothing for that.

Everything happens for a reason...

Got A Big Stack Of Papers There...?

2008-08-31T09:22:00.002-06:00

My all time favorite Family Guy moment OF ALL TIME...:

I'm such a book nerd and I love to write, so this epic Family Guy moment hits home. :) . So damn funny!

Altered Universe

2008-08-26T05:55:00.005-06:00

Some updates on my life:

As far as my job at Comcast, things are going great. I'm loving my job! I just took a shift bid to change my schedule from 3:30-12pm, which I was definitely not a fan of. While at work I laterally spent all my time between calls jotting down every single shift available that was better then the one I had. Since Comcast is 24/7, it turned out to be over 20 I had in my list :P.

Workforce Management contacted me the very next day! Within a week I had 3 offers for different shifts to choose from. Which I guess "never happens". My older coworkers were peeved to say the least. Grumbling things like "I had my shitty shift for, like, 6 months before I got an offer..."

So my new shift is now GRAVEYARD . (10 pm- 6:30am)I'm bursting with enthusiasm whenever I tell people, but somehow they don't share my same excitement...I usually get the twitchy-fake smile and the tentative, "Oh...OK. ...that's kind of, um,...weird." Seriously though, I love it!!! There are o few jobs in this world where I get paid as much as I do to do...well, pretty much whatever I want. I only take 20-25 calls a day, leaving about 3/4 of my shift open to do whatever. Usually blogging, playing on my computer, or contributing to the welfare of Comcast in the wee hours of the morning.

Its strange, because Ive never been a morning person. Ever. Ive found that its incredibly easy...when i stay up all night. Hell, even now I'm blogging at 6 in the damn morning! The few drawbacks are that my sleep-producing chemicals in my brain are totally out of whack, I'm awake when I should be tired, and tired when I need to be awake. I guess I'm still adjusting to my new found vampire life....its tough, because I usually need some kind of sleep medicine (usually very mild dose is all I need) and I can fall asleep easy, but its waking up and staying awake that is the problem! I tend to be very sleepy in the evenings before I go to work, which is annoying. Then, by the time I'm on my way home at 6:30 I'm so awake I often run errands like going to Walmart, cleaning, ect...

Anyway, my new found coworkers are quite interesting. I like most of them, but lets say...some of them are pretty strange. Vampire is definitely a good descriptive word. My first day starting they all kinda squinted at me like it had been a while since they'd seen a fresh-faced individual from the "day"....

It took a while for them to warm up to me. The guy sitting next to me took days before he would even talk to me. The culture of the night people is curious. They don't interact much besides at night. I was looking for one guy Id seen in the dark corners of the office who I knew worked graves. I was certain he was for sure a vampire. He actually creeped me out. Well, I just learned he was actually the former supervisor. Yikes! Sometimes I wonder what Ive gotten myself into.....

Only 4 people work the entire night at Comcast. The building is 4 levels big, and hundreds of people work there. So when its just us 4 all alone, and dark in that big place it can definitely be scary! The first few nights I had to sit by myself, as I hadn't moved my cubicle contents yet. I was really freaked out! Its so quiet its eerie, any sound can make you jump out of your seat.

....I really don't know how I got so lucky. The Graveyard team is absolutely tiny, I couldn't believe it! Working mornings through evenings there are so many people at work. I was shocked only 4 people work the nights on any given night. I don't know how I got picked so soon after training. I specifically remember my trainer say the nice version of "there's no way in hell any of you will get the graveyard shift in a very long, long time." Apparently its very popular....

Oh well, stop wondering and just thank God! Its so perfect. I get paid to read my favorite books and watch youtube, and have the whole day to myself. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect!

I'm loving life.

(*jaw cracking yawn*) well, my sleepers are making my eyes close, so it looks like its time for bed...

Cautious Belonging

2008-08-23T00:48:00.002-06:00

Its hard for me to think about what happened almost a year ago. I read my blog entries from last year and its...painful to remember what that was like. I don't think anyone should ever have the chance to be as hurting and twisted as I was then. Its brings back the feeling I had, the warped, misshapen, hollow thing I had become without him.

Love changes you forever. Once you love someone so completely, you are never complete without them. They become a part of you you can never break away from. not even if they are gone, because the hole they leave inside you never heals...

Its just like someone had told me in Louisiana, "nothing ever compares to first love". Everything after your first true love is never the same, because you can never love so completely ever again. I experienced that...once its gone, you are guarded, you hold back, and no matter how much you try...its never the same. Never so...complete.

When we found each other again, it was like returning a part of my soul back to me.

...Yet even now, looking back on that barren 6 months alone, I would not change anything. It gave me insight and experiences I never would have had. Things that have made me who I am today.

Stronger.

Now I live in a world balanced on two extremes, because I have everything I wanted back, better then ever. And now I have a new sense of belonging...one that is not dependent on another, but only on my will to make it through. I would never want to loose everything ever again. But at least if I did I know I can make it through...

Mystique Book Club: The Twilight Series

2008-08-19T08:25:00.005-06:00

So Ive decided on a wonderful idea, being the avid reader that I am, to start a book club on my blog! All my reviews will be tagged, so at the bottom of the post you’ll see a link called “mystique book club” that will link you to all my book reviews.

Im so excited!

I would like to do my first review on Stephanie Myers Twilight series. Ive been positively hooked on this series since the day I opened the first book, and haven’t stopped since. I read the second book New Moon, and the third Eclipse in under a week! (And all while at work! “Bad Llama!” haha...any opportunity to quote a disney movie...)

Im not sure what it is about the series that is so obsessive-prone. I literally do not know one person who has read them and not been totally nuts about it. From an objective point of view, the series has a very good plot, but the writing style is not the best Ive seen.

Or is it? I certainly have read books with much better descriptive quality, and Twilight by comparison is pretty blasé. It seemed like the author describes only enough to get the point across, and often while reading it I could think of thousands of scenes she could have spent more time on. Yet at the same time, it totally captures my imagination. Even with the minimal descriptive quality, it seems to paint a very vivid picture that tells you everything you need to know. I think maybe why it is such a popular series is because it is so vivid, yet leaves the rest to your imagination, to fill it in between the lines. The books have a very personal quality, and I think we all shape the story uniquely to us, the readers. It creates an individual experience.

Everyone of course always has to ask: EDWARD OR JACOB?

This again is very personal. As one of my good friends put, “Everyone has an Edward and a Jacob in their life. Who is your Edward? Who is your Jacob? Which one would you choose?”
I think we all connect to the characters so well because we all have someone in our life who represents them. It’s a universal story we all experience,…to some degree.

Personally, Im a Jacob fan. I always route for the underdog (haha, get it? :P ) and I just love his character. The kiss scene between him and Bella at the end of Eclipse nearly gave me a heart atack. It was that good! I don’t know if Ive ever read a scene over and over and over like I did that one. I could die happy after reading that.

I guess I shouldn’t put an objective view on this series quite yet, as I havent read Breaking Dawn! Ive already heard a lot of mixed reviews on that, so Im very excited to see how it ends and judge the series as a whole. So far though, Im very pleased with the books. I think the author has a rare gift to tell compelling stories that really impact your life. I don’t think I’ll ever be quite the same after reading them! Ill return after reading the last book to give a definitive review. Thus far I have to say they are near perfect. Easy to read, very moving, and very exciting. There’s just one thing I cant seem to put my finger on for criticism, its just a feeling, but…well, maybe I’ll figure it out when I read the last book.

Feel free to leave a comment on the book or write your own review! It will be showcased on my blog :)

Lagoon Day With Comcast: Holy Shit It Is Hot!

2008-07-26T22:53:00.007-06:00

A fun YouTube video on Lagoon I thought was pretty cute! :)

(you may want to pause my playlist in the scroll box, at the bottom, so the music doesn't conflict)

Today Tony and I, along with Chris, Jami, and the kids Kimmy and Cameron went to Lagoon, courtesy of Comcast. We all got FREE TICKETS! Cant beat free, right? Woohoo! Ive been majorly stoked all week to go. And, Ironically, I skipped work today in order to enjoy the festivity...thanks, Comcast! Hehe...

Of course we all packed coolers full of goodies for the day: sub sandwiches, juice, chips, cookies, gogurt, ...beer...(ok I'm just kidding, but I wish!) It was a bevariable buffet. Not so fun to pack a 30 lb cooler across the park to the Terrance picnic tables though. Ack!

Wow it was so PACKED! I thought it was busy when we used to go for High School but man, this was way worse. Every line literally went out the ques and clear into the streets and wrapped around. The first thing we decided to go on was Rattlesnake Rapids and the line started at the entrance of Pioneer Land. We stood in line for over an hour before we got to ride it.

No more then in 10 minutes of being there we all were absolutely dieing of heat stroke. The temperature was well above 90, and because of the blacktop walkways it felt over 100. I felt myself wasting away in the sun, crisping like bacon. I have to say, when we finally got on Rattlesnake, Ive never felt such awesome relief then when a big wave of freezing cold water dumped over my head, soaking me to the bone. (Thank you God may I please have another!?)

Aaaaaahhhhhh....

Now lets go ride some roller coasters! with shoes filled with water we sloshed all over Lagoon to our hearts content. As soon as our clothes would dry, I would head over to a drinking fountain or a bathroom and soak myself from the faucet and continue on into the blazing blue sky heat. It was really the only way I could handle the day. It. was. so. hot.

Now home, I'm sitting here barely managing to poke my keyboard to blog, let alone convince myself to get up and feed my starving belly. I'm so wiped out.

But we had so much fun! :)

What Life Is Really About

2008-07-25T00:57:00.006-06:00

Afternoon Zen

2008-07-16T13:17:00.004-06:00

Ah, the sweet and simple joy of staying in bed all morning, and lounging around in a pile of blankets and pillows. With laptop in hand and watching National Geographic...munching on junk food all day long. :)

Ah...must be my day off!

Ive been thinking hard lately about the direction my life is going and how much I have accomplished in the past few months. Ive been pushing myself really hard to succeed, and I have this feeling that I'm really headed in the right direction.

Even though its been years since we all left the middle of nowhere, and we are all making our own lives, I still sometimes get this weird feeling of dejavu...or maybe like "out of body experience" that makes me look at my life from the outside, looking in. And I think about it with this weird sense of wonder of everything Ive done. From living in Louisiana, visiting Arkansas...making all those 1,600 mile road trips, and making it on my own back in Utah for those crazy 6 months! I did everything, things I never dreamed of doing. I joined a bowling league (by the way...I'm a terrible bowler!), lived in FIVE different places to this day, and met lots and lots of great people. I learned the simple joy of a can of beer (and I don't know how I chugged all those cans of Milwaukee's Best. desperate times, man...) and all those late nights partying with my old and new friends alike. .....I'm so thankful for everything that has happened. Truest of all: tragedy can turn into great joy. Life is a circle, a time may come when you suffer great pain...but it wont last forever. Happiness always comes around. Sometimes, it can be better then you ever thought possible.

Now here I am about to enjoy some delicious chimichangas...(yes if you haven't guessed by now I love them. Imagine the bottom of the food pyramid that's usually "grains" and what not. For me...its frozen burritos. scrumtalicious!). Even that brings me a simple joy that I'm happy to indulge in.

Its what I like to call a little bit of Afternoon Zen...

A Day In The Life At Comcast

2008-07-02T19:26:00.008-06:00

At Comcast, the office is always full of shenanigans that keep us busy (and sane) during the workday...while in our cubicles we find ourselves doing:

put on makeup
do nails
play "cubicle football"
make mouse pad nachos
tetris
debate about goldfish crackers
get wired up on that damn free coffee.
shake the vending machine for 10 minutes because it ate your dollar that was supposed to be for a chimichanga
Using the weeklyish "Quick Hits" office meeting for discussing when we will finally put a ping-pong table in every break room...not just the one on the second floor.
repeating my office mantra between calls. "Find my Zen place...find my Zen place!"

Sunshine On The Horizon

2008-06-29T12:26:00.003-06:00

For the first time in my blogging existence I'm actually blogging from my very own Internet connection! Its great, I can sit down and blog within the comfort of my own home and take some deep reflective time to write. Wonderful :).

This is all thanks to Comcast of course, and what Chris likes to call the "Holy Shit Package" . Which is basically everything you can dream of in the world of TV and Internet. Every channel known to man, plus every movie channel for free! Tony and I basically sit around the TV playing with our DVR all day. And I get 6 MB wireless Internet for only a couple dollars a month. To say the least its GREAT! For God's sake Ive been living off rabbit ears for the entirety of my adult life, so I'm in heaven!

Life is good. No, great. I'm moved into my apartment. Its very peaceful and welcoming here, and my cat Zodiac is feeling very at home. All in all I'm so happy to be here. I love the direction my life is going.

I'll post soon about some more details of whats been going on lately. But first some breakfast is calling my name. Apple Dapples here I come!

Comcast-alicious!

2008-06-08T02:11:00.002-06:00

So Ive been employed at Comcast for about a month now and I have to say that I LOVE my job. Its freakin fantastic. (or "comcastic" as we like to say. I guess.) Lets just say I make over twice as much as I did at my previous job, and I'm doing really well. Promotions are on the horizon, respect is bountiful, I love the work that I do, and I love the people I work with. Oh, and lets not forget free coffee. That right there is enough to make me your slave for the rest of eternity. Seriously. Im gushing love for Comcast. Thanks to Chris, I'm really grateful to him for letting me have the opportunity to work there :).

Anywhoo, its like 2:00 in the morning and Im doing some drunk-blogging...Haha! Just thought I'd update on whats been going on lately. I'm moving into my new apartment this weekend, so next time I post I should have some new pictures of everything.

Love,
Danielle. xoxo

Discovery of Mobile Blogging!

2008-05-12T18:52:00.004-06:00

The greatest technology leap since fire...mobile blogging! Wow!

So I guess Im a little over-excited about this feature, but hey! Its cool. I can now send blog posts directly from my email. What a great invention. I can now sluethily post to my blog at any time...without being so obviously-over-nerdy. "Hey is that girl blogging? Nerd alert!" ...no, to the common joe Im now just sending an innocent email....muahaha!

...Ehem, well, anyway...in other news I got accepted for my job at Comcast and Im very excited to be starting with the company. The opportunity for promotion and advancment is great, and the benefits are spectacular. Im happy to be starting a corprate job where Im actually a part of something and contribute to something bigger then myself. One draw back though, I cant wear any tanks or spaghetti strap tops. God damn it. It's against company dress code. ...So there goes my entire summer spending agenda. And anyone that knows me even a smigeon, knows that I live in sleeveless attire all year round, especially in the summer time.

Crap.

Well I guess thats the kick I needed to brauden my attire horizons and find something out of my comfort zone. Perhaps I'll morph into a fashion cover model from Vouge or Cosmopolitan? ...Um. Not likely. But I can try my damndest.

Summer Planning

2008-04-26T13:13:00.004-06:00

Life is on hiatus! But everything is going well, despite that I haven't updated in a while! Things have just been crazy! I moved out of the house in Sandy. We got slapped with a city ordnance declaring that no more than 4 people can live in a house in Sandy if your unrelated. What!? Yeah I thought the same thing. Way to crash our party...

So that's a bit of sad news. We were all pretty bummed about it. not to mention half of us had to scramble to find a new place to live, stat. That was pretty tough, and I ended up leaving early because Nash was an asshole....So, I'm up in Rockport for the time being staying with Tony and family.

Its not too bad. The commute is a little ridiculous because I still work in Salt Lake, but its only temporary. Tony and I are looking for a place of our own and plan on moving in soon.

Yes, so Tony and I are back together. I'm very happy! We're doing great, and I think we're more in love then ever before! (If that's possible!) I'm so excited that he's back home now for good. We have so many plans and dreams for the future, this is a very exciting time for us. I'm totally stoked to get a house together, All I can think about is how great its going to be to have a place of our own!

I have a lot of goals and dreams to achieve this summer. What is it about summer that just makes you so motivated and happy? Maybe all this sunshine is giving me the crazies! Here's whats on my list:

1. New Job / Career :

I've already got something lined up with Comcast making 10.50 /hr , plus a couple hundred every paycheck in commissions. I'm pretty excited about that, I'll basically be making twice what I make at my current job. Hallelujah! I'm definitely worth it. I have the skill and potential, and I'm just plain better then making $8.50 and under like everyone else. If you work hard you can really get ahead in life, and that's exactly what I plan on doing.

2. House Shenanigans :

So obviously with my new home I'm going to go a little crazy, especially because wherever we go we'll be there for a while, unlike everywhere else I've ever lived. So I've got lots of ideas and dreams for my new home, mostly dealing with a lot of gardening. I'll be spending a lot of time outside making a little slice of heaven :) . We'll have the most beautiful home on the block!

3. Friend Shenanigans :

Three words: Friends. Summer. Party. That's all I need to say.

4. Disney World!

and lastly, and probably the most silly and crazy of them all! I've finally taken the initiative to start saving for my own vacation. To, of course, the most magical place in the world! Disney World! I'm going to start saving this summer and plan on going sometime next year. The plans are pretty much still up into the air and all I've got so far is me and Tony going...and that's it. Maybe, maybe not we'll go with another couple. Either way, I'm so excited and happy I could shit a mickey head! Even though our time in paradise is more than a year away, I still think about it all the time with a smile on my face. Anyone that knows me + Disney World ....knows I'm a fanatic. Woohoo! Florida sunshine and magical memories here I come!

The closer it gets to my vacation, the more I'll go nuts. This blog will probably morph into a chronicle of my vacation planning mania. To which everyone will think I'm insane and stop reading. We're talking a minimum of one post per day of all my Disney World shenanigans (side note: shenanigans is my word of the day, thanks to listening to Dane Cook mp3's all day at work :) ). Seriously. I'll be the most sickeningly happy person ever.

So, you have that to, er, look forward to in the future. Enjoy. :)

Snow In The Bayou!

2008-03-07T14:11:00.003-07:00

I've taken a little hiatus for the past week to go back and visit Barksdale Air Force Base, and see Tony...

My flight was on February 26, just one day before our three year anniversary! I hopped three planes, spent a few hours in Albuquerque New Mexico, and Dallas Texas, before landing in Shreveport Louisiana. Its been great so far.

Today it SNOWED!

I thought I left the cold weather and chilling snow behind in Utah. Infact, its been downright perfect down here in the south. Warm sunny weather and not a cloud in the sky! but today I woke to Tony calling me, and telling me to look out the window.... And behold, big puffy snowflakes are pouring from the sky! The whole bayou was sprinkled in white, something I never thought possible! It was a very strange thing to see.

....Looks like I brought the snow with me!

...And Twenty Years Later.

2008-02-22T23:38:00.005-07:00

When you live with seven of your old friends from North Summit...things are constant drama, laughs....and starvation.

Really, we drink about 2 gallons of milk a day, and god knows how much booze, 10 cups of coffee in the morning...We run our kitchen like a homeless shelter! Only at this house could you make 6 boxes of mac and cheese to feed your roomies! Not to mention the constant rattling of the washer and dryer, dishwasher, take out the trash twice a day, ten dozen cigarette breaks on the back porch...an some halo obsessed boys....

That's the typical day around here at my house. Our driveway looks like a god damn used car lot! Bright yellow Geo Metro, rusting Subaru hatchback and Nissan truck, 13 year old Saturn coupe, my ultra-pimp Plymouth Neon with a bad alternator belt you can hear from miles away...need I go on with the rest?

There's always something chaotic going on. A constant supply of beer and the occasional rum or whiskey in the bar downstairs. The girls painting on canvases on the kitchen table, the boys fixing things up and shoveling the snowy driveway...and always snuggling downstairs on our couches to watch a good movie or have guitar hero battles.

...And lets not forget the set of four electric guitars and one drum set my roomies are constantly jamming on! How many nights have I fallen asleep to the sweet, sweet sound of rookie jamfest's hooked to the amplifiers? It's a strange, beautiful thing.

Somehow through all the chaos its so peaceful. Sometimes theres nothing better then coming home to the smiling faces of your seven other roommates you've known since birth. God, I love these guys! Our memories go back as far as I can remember. Its surreal sometimes, I think, to be able to live with each other 20 years later. If that's not living, then I don't know what is!

This really is home...

Moving In With Seven Of Your Best Friends...

2008-02-10T19:51:00.002-07:00

So a lot has happened in the month or so it's been since Ive had my hiatus from writing...Ive gotten sick, worked lots, moved into an apartment, moved out of an apartment, partied practically every weekend...but most important of all, I moved into a house with seven of my best friends!

Words cant really describe the chaos, so here it is in pictures....

All the madness!!! Me and all my roomies (minus Bunkface, who was at work! And Saul (behind me) but he's an honorary roomie, crashed on the couch a couple nights a week anyway. I love you.) This picture says it all...

Just the girls...

Me and Oscar the dog!

All the girls again...looking fabulous, even when we don't give a damn

about putting any makeup on...

Me and Berklee!

Jam and Kiss...adorable as usual.

Kali, the coolest girl in the world. Ever. She's pretty much my best friend and she's awesome. Behind her is Gray. who is pretty cool in his own right.

Trev jamming on his guitar

Oscar! He got hit by a car a few days ago, but he is OK. He's going in for orthopedic surgery on Monday to fix his leg!

Three gorgeous girls! I kinda have the crazy eyes though...too many camera flash bulbs in my eyes. Really, what would I do without Berk and Kali? Probably die, that's what.

...yeah no, really.

"You Are So Real!"

2007-12-22T21:10:00.001-07:00

"You are so real!"

Almost everyone i know says this about me, especially when I meet new people. What does it mean exactly? Ive literally had three people tell me this all in the same week.

My sister describes it something like this: "because your not fake. your always there for anyone, and you listen to us no matter what we say. You make people feel so comfortable, your so nonjudgmental. You have so much inner beauty radiating from you, that people are drawn to you and want to be around you. You make us feel so loved and valued just by being our friend. You are so unique! No one in this world is like you! ...when they say you are "real", it means that your so above all the fake shit in the world. Your just you and you live your life to the fullest and your so true to yourself. It inspires all of us. Everyone loves you so much! You have no idea how much we all need you in our lives!"

...this was a very long conversation. I'm pretty much crying at the end of it because I'm shocked at how adamant bunkface is on how important I am. I love you Kristi!

At the same night of this conversation I had another friend of mine tell me I was an angel sent to her to help her through life.

And yet another, when asked about me, said something like: "Dude, I like Dani. She is like...so...so real!"

I'm overwhelmed sometimes. Ive been back for almost three months and and it feels like Ive had a swarm of old and new friends alike come to me and embrace me. ...I would never guess I was missed so much! I seemed to have fallen back into Utah at the exact right time. Into the lives of people who needed me.

One thing is constant. I don't know what I do to earn or deserve it, but so many people tell me they love and need me. So thankful that I'm in their lives. For what, I wonder at times? For someone who is past all the bullshit in life, who loves you the same no matter what you've done, never judges you and lets you live and be who you are? Always there to listen, always there to love? ...I guess people like that are hard to find.

...I'm just me.

The Rave At Club Sound

2007-12-15T16:00:00.001-07:00

My wonderful friend Amanda and I just had the most amazing night...pretty much ever. We went to Club Sound , which is a GAY CLUB, complete with kick ass drag queen show and dudes dancing in pink panties....oh yes. And it was incredible! I don't know if Ive ever had so much fun in one night. Amanda and I were a little freaked out before we went, wondering "dude, are lesbians going to hit on us? Seriously!" ....so our backup plan was to just pretend we were the best non-lesbian couple of all time....

But no lesbians hit on us.

I'm almost a little sad. Were we not totally hot? I kind of thought we were...really. We were.

But jeez, for a "gay" club, there sure were lots of straight people there! The scene was really indescribable, Ive never seen anything like it. Dudes making out with dudes, girls making out with girls, and guys and girls together everywhere. It was...intense. You could feel the sexual prowess in the air. I'm not going to lie, It was pretty damn hot.

But the Drag Show. The Drag Show!!! Ive never seen one before, and it was so entertaining! Really one of the most fabulous things Ive ever seen! I have a memento on my car mirror from the show, a bracelet of jungle bells on a green chord, that jungles every time I stop or turn. Love it! A good reminder of one crazy fun night!

Amanda and I danced on the platform with the green strobe light, and in the cage. (Oh yeah! we cage danced! woo hoo!) we were laughing and smiling, dancing until the club closed at 2:00 AM.
We were still so hyped up from having so much fun (and energy drink shots), that we went to the Denny's close by. ...Apparently everyone else had the same idea, since we saw lots of disheveled club goers with the munchies there too. We didn't go unnoticed either, a couple guys even came up to say hi to us, I guess recognized us from dancing on the stage for 4 hours! We just smiled and waved, then looked at each other with freaked out faces. Ha ha!

Sweet, sweet satisfaction! Is there anything better then french toast and bacon after a late night of partying? No, I don't think so! We stayed there for hours, talking and laughing about old times in Coalville. Memories of friends and fun, and life. Cycling cup after cup of hot chocolate. Late into the night. It was almost 5:00 AM before we left to go home!

We left Denny's with faces sore from laughing, and bodies aching from dancing. When we got home we collapsed into the couch and pull-out bed...but still couldn't go to sleep. We talked there for hours. About our lives and everything in between. It was literally 8 in the morning before we went to sleep!

If you say that's not one hardcore night, I will punch you in the face. I have the dark circles under my eyes, hickeys, and full body soreness to prove it god damn it. But wow, I had so much fun with Amanda! I'm so happy!

I love you Amanda!

Glory Redefined

2007-12-05T14:32:00.001-07:00

I feel like the song "Glorious" by Everclear.... Listen to it, its on my playlist.

"GLORIOUS"

You were shining in a white light

Like a fairytale movie star

I never really thought I would find Snow White drinking in a downtown bar

You were underneath a white light

Like a vision in a deep dark place

I Never really thought I would fall for a country girl with an angel's face

Aww everything fades away

The world changes every day

When I think about you, it makes me want to say

Glorious Glorious You are glorious

We were walkin' in the white sun

Growing up and throwin' down loud

There was silver in our eyes and we didnt know why, a power in the noise so proud

We were lost inside a long dark summer

We were headed down a nowhere road

Looking for a light in the middle of the night, a place that felt like home

I know everything fades away

The world changes everyday

When I think about you, and what we had, it makes me want to say

GloriousGloriousYou are to meGlorious

Yeah this glorious life has never been what it seems

I was asleep when I was living the dream

Living the dream

I know I was living the dream

I think about that time in the city

We would run away and try to feel free

I could never believe that you wanted to be with me

We would wait in the cold for that last bus home

I was sleeping with your arms around me

The truth was never what it seemed to be

I was living a lie when I should have been living the dream

Glorious

Should've been living the dream

Glorious

Should've been living the dream

Glorious

I know I never understood how much you would mean to me

Now I know I was living the dream

Glorious

I know I was living the dream

Glorious

I know I know I was living the dream

Glorious

I know this glorious life has never been what it

I was walking through life asleep when I was living the dream

Glorious

2007-12-05T14:18:00.001-07:00

"Quit being so damn hard on yourself. what you have done is
uplifting and amazing. If Tyler would have left me while we were living in
Colorado, I would have come home with my tail between my legs and moved back in
with my mother. Sure, you have done what needed to be done, but look back at it
and you accomplished a great feat that many girls can't do until they are nearly
30. You have found the individual within yourself and you don’t rely on anyone
but yourself. You can do it alone, and you have proved it. While it scares the
hell out of me, I like to think that I could go at it solo, but in all honesty,
I would be so damn depressed and scared I don’t know where I would start. So
quit acting like what you have done is no big deal, because while it doesn't
seem like much, it is a much bigger task to achieve to some people than you
realize. " ........- Bridgette, aka "RavenLady"

I love that RavenLady! Check out her blog, it really is amazing. I love you.

So I'm about to go up to Hoytsville and see my soul mates Kelsi and Kenny, and we are going to ensue in some mischievous fun, just like the good ol' days.

All in one week I have talked to everyone who Ive missed so dearly while I was living in the south. Luke, Kenny, Kelsi, Amanda, Megan, Kaylie...the only one who is missing is Shawn, who comes home from his mission next year...

Maybe I'm high from work this morning (breathing in cleaning chemicals and what not) But for some reason I'm just so happy right now. Maybe....just maybe....tragedy can turn into joy. From life's hardest obstacles can come happiness you never thought possible.

Happier then you ever thought you could be.

All you need are the one's you love.

Reminiscence

2007-12-02T17:31:00.001-07:00

Last night brought back a lot of distant memories for me. Of times past when I used to be a woman who was not quite herself and still struggling to force the world to accept me. Those times are long overdue, in this world now lives a woman who knows exactly who she is...for better or worse...my daily life is no more trying to conform to the wishes of others but rather my own desires and dreams.

What happens when two old friends reconnect after a few years? Meeting one another after life changing experiences?

Well, last night, it happened to be lots of fun, that's what.

How strange it is to look into someones eyes and see a shadow of their former selves locked deep inside. Still so different, but so much the same...

Life changes us all. But we always remain ourselves, if we are strong enough. Even fewer will allow life to change them into who they were always meant to be, more themselves now then they ever were before with each passing day. Tragedy will turn some into empty souls, while others will bloom into stronger individuals.

...So last night Kenny and I saw the lights at Temple Square, and eventually had delicious burritos at Taco Bell. I cant express my....whats the word? Oh! wondrous delight at seeing him again. A man I so thoroughly admired and enjoyed. Truly one of my most favorite people in the world. Oh how he has changed! But still so much the man I knew before he went on his mission. Transformed into the man he is meant to be... as I deliriously typed-out-loud earlier. I had so much fun.

Being with him brought back so many memories and feelings. You know how you feel when you think about care free summers in high school? Laying on the beach and eating fries at the Huddle? It was like that. There are so few people in this world you can really open up to and talk about anything.

Especially about women, relationships, God...and bearing 8 children.

(Seriously Kenny, Your crazy. Really, really crazy. But I still love you.)

..........For me, I guess time has no meaning when it comes to love. Once worthy of love, I never let you go. You may hurt me, betray me, forget about me, but I'll never let you go. You will continue to hate me, but I bear no ill will towards you.

Sometimes I think I'm too accepting, too non-judgmental. I guess I'm the queen of forgiveness. Of weakness. Passiveness. I give people so much credit, so much room for failure and disappointment, that you will never let me down. I will never look down on you for your mistakes or ever think lower of you.

To me this is a flaw. Of someone so empathetic I can do nothing but help and forgive, never to betray and hate. It is simply not something I can do.

Someone else said he thought it was "Christ-like devotion."

...I wonder if Jesus ever got fed up with being used and hurt....

Dreams Of An Absolution

2007-11-15T15:41:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I don't know how I'm doing this. OK, actually, every night I trudge back to my car after 14 hours of work I wonder why I'm not on my face struggling to breathe.

I guess because I have no other choice. I cant decide to stop, because I have to keep going. I don't have the luxury to sleep in and have free time. I have to do this because if I don't I'm not going to survive.

Whether from the fact that I have absolutely no money, or that I cant stand to have a moment alone...because I inevitably resort to depression and loneliness from my sorry broke ass life. I'm not sure which.

Think back to my life three months prior. Would I ever have saw this coming? On my own? Never.

I still think of myself as weak and powerless. I'm just a girl trying to make her way through the world. So when people tell me they admire me for my determination and power, I really don't know what to say...I don't believe it. Me...? Of course not me. I'm just doing what needs to be done. To be depressed and lazy? Its simply not an option for me. No, I have to get off my ass and get a job, go to school, get my own car, my own place...it doesn't matter that I just moved 1,500 miles away with nothing but my books and clothes and had to leave my whole life behind. The first day I came into town I started looking for a job. All day every day until I had one. Now here I am a little over a month later , alone, with two jobs, my own car, and paying the bills. Determined? Strong? ....Don't flatter me.

When I sit on the curb after a whole day of work and breathe in the icy air at night I cant help but think of how far I've gone. Don't admire me for what I've done. I would give anything to be spared from the treachery of life I have endured to get this far.

How wonderful would it be to live a life where everything is given to you...but for most of us, that is nothing more than a distant dream. Because life fucks over all of us a time or two and we just have to learn to make the best of it. We deal with the heartache and betrayal of living and move on to better things.

...A day will come when we finally realize we left behind a lot of good and bad things...but ultimately where you are today is better then you ever imagined.

And the only one who got you there is you.

So don't look up to me because I made a new life out of nothing...sometimes life gives you a road to follow that is dark and unknown...but if your strong enough to walk the path you'll come out better then you ever dreamed you could be.

Coolest Party. Ever.

2007-11-12T16:14:00.001-07:00

This weekend I drove down to Cedar with my awesome buddy, Kaylie . Though I had to work all day on Friday, so we didn't get out of Salt Lake until almost 11:00. Damn it, and i lost the hubcap on my passenger side on the way! On the way I noticed a shiny thing rolling down the road. I thought. "Hmm...looks like someone lost their hubcap!"
Oh. Wait.
...Fuck.

Surely enough, I pulled into a Maverick and there you have it, my naked ass wheel. Now when I drive around I can nod my head to oncoming traffic, "Yup. I'm really broke and I know it. Check out my sweet pimp ride!"

I have no radio either so this was a 4 hour drive in silence. Almost. Kaylie and I pretty much swapped life stories along the way. We talked of many things...shoes and ceiling wax, cabbages and kings! Actually about boys, kissing, and our many embarrassing moments. It was a laugh riot. My face still hurts from laughing so hard! But we surprised MeganJo (who didn't know I was coming to see her) and her reaction was priceless. Just imagine stumbling to the door at 3:00 in the morning and seeing your best friend with a big mischievous grin. Priceless.

We all went down to the North Summit State Football Game. It was incredible. We were amazing! The score was 30 to 6 and we lead the game from the first quarter all the way to the end. The players kicked ass. I'm so proud of them!!! If only I could have been in school for this, I cant imagine how incredible it would be.

I also ran into some of my long lost favorite people. I really think the entire populous of Coalville went to this game. I saw my husband never-to-be Bret Evans, who I havent seen in at least two years, back from his mission. He was always one of my most missed friends. And lets not forget Amanda, Luke, Kelsi...and about 20 others who I was so happy to see. ....It is so good to be back home!

The game was the main reason i decided to have a road trip adventure, but that didn't stop me from finding my way into a great party. Megan's boyfriend's sister (try to keep up with me), Lillian, had a party at her house and I swear the whole population of Cedar was crammed into her living room. Turn on a strobe light, serve candy and alcohol, and you've got a recipe for one hell of a night. A rave is the best way I can describe this kick ass party. The only thing we were missing were some glow sticks. But what made it so damn fun was that the whole party was filled with....nerds.

Seriously. It was incredible. I can say for sure that nerds definitely know how to throw a party. I had so much fun! Between moshing and dancing and drinking games there was talk of XBox, D&D, and really hot guys with sexy emo glasses. I was in heaven. Even more, there are actually people in the world who appreciate my discussion of vodka and paddle mashing.

It was one late night of insane fun. Woozy from coke and rum, and dancing, the party winded down with one guy who did the best Thriller dance I've ever seen.

Late next morning we all headed down to IHOP for some sobering pancakes. Kaylie and I were on our way out and went to Starbucks for some much needed coffee. Some lattes' later Kaylie nearly chokes on hers and pointed out the cute guy who made our coffee. "Its him!"

Dear God. It was him! Of all the odds, the very same guy who was making our coffee at the roadside Starbucks was in fact the same guy last night who busted out that awesome Thriller. "We have to say something!" Kaylie said. I tried to think of something, anything. But what?

"Straws!" she says.

Genius.

I walk up with a straw already in my latte. "Um...do you have any of those small coffee straws?" I said as sweetly as I could. He gave me a really weird look. It didn't matter. I got his attention and blurted out: "Um...were you at "Lillian's Party" last night...?"

He gives me a weird 'are you a stalker?' look. "Yeah...?"

Kaylie and I slyly looked at one another. "Were you the one who did the Thriller dance...?"

He blushed and smiled. Obviously mentioning his drunk antics was pretty hilarious. "Uh. Yeah. That was me."

We talked for a long time after that, about where we're from and when we're coming to Cedar again He apparently recognized us too, but was too shy to say anything. As we said our goodbyes I felt a deep satisfaction from my mini vacation. I'll definitely be doing it again soon. And I'm definitely partying down in Cedar more often. The nerds know where it is at!

Weary Wondering

2007-11-06T17:07:00.001-07:00

Whew!

Let me catch my breath for a second...

Ok, so I just got back from my day job and hallelujah I don't have to work tonight. So, I can mildew on the couch tonight and do absolutely nothing. Which is exactly what I want to do. I sustained some injuries today by falling over a cycle-machine while vacuuming in someones workout room. Damn rich people and their workout rooms! I tried to act nonchalant and hoped no one noticed but really I was limping around for the whole afternoon. Plus, I slipped while washing the floors and i have the ugliest bruise on my knees. Ouch!!!

I feel like I've been running 5 miles! Ive been sitting in this chair for 10 minutes and I'm still having trouble catching my breath! You really don't notice how tired you are from working until you get home, then the pain hits you like a brick to the head.

But God, I'm looking pretty fabulous already! I took a good look at my arms this morning and noticed Ive got this pretty curve of muscle from my shoulder down to my elbow. Lets hope the rest of my body follows suit. Though from what I feel like right now, it seems like no part of my body will be left unsculpted. Even my pinky finger is going to be sexylicious.

Anyway, remember what I said about people not believing I'm 20? Well it happened again last night. Actually, it happened about 5 times. It was dead at Spaghetti Factory later at night, so I managed to mingle with some of my coworkers. I work with a lot of nice people, so it was fun to meet some new people now that Ive moved to SLC. Well as we chatted and got to that fateful question, "So, how old are you?" I had a few people literally drop their jaws when I shyly said "TWENTY!!!". And I got the usual "Oh...I thought you were like...sixteen..." answer from everyone except for one guy. Who said I looked 19. Close enough. I love him.

Which is weird cause I swear I thought he was 17. He's actually 23. I feel better.

It appears I have to do away with doing my hair straight in a ponytail (like in my birthday post picture). Something about wearing it that way must make me look incredibly juvenile, because I never ever get those answers when I do my hair down and curly. Sad....why cant I get away with being lazy? And sometimes I can manage to look really cute that way too. Damn it...whats a girl to do?

Because I am so no the type of girl who can get herself done up like a supermodel every day of the week...Especially if I have to get up early in the morning and go to work. Fuck that! The world will just have to deal with me as I am. I'm not ugly by all means in my au natural self. But even I have to admit that I can transform from "simple beauty" to somewhat glamorous with a few strokes of mascara and some styling gel.....thank God I live in this modern world. Bottom line: I can look damn fine when I freakin feel like it. You'll just have to catch me on the right day :) .

....I'm obviously rambling from my tiredness. Off I go to enjoy chimichangas and TV! xoxo

Super Model Maid

2007-11-01T16:41:00.002-06:00

Well, Ive officially started my new jobs here in SLC, Utah. So now I really feel like I belong. I have to admit I LOVE my job. I'm crazy, I know. I work for a cleaning service and go to peoples houses and clean them. Call me a maid, if you will. :) . Time passes by so quickly and I actually enjoy what I do. Not to mention I get to enter the nicest houses I have ever been in and only in my wildest dreams could I ever afford. These people have fountains in the yard and home theatres! Maybe I could pretend I'm just a rich mans wife cleaning my own mansion...

But its a lot of hard work. I'm so sore from working, I dont even want to think about what tomorrow morning is going to feel like! My boss told me that in a few weeks I'm going to have one hell of a body. Some of the girls that work with me have lost a lot of weight and look pretty damn sexy, that's for sure. Every muscle from my arms to my feet get used. I'm on the floor, on my tippy-toes, down and around and every which-way you can imagine to make peoples houses sparkle.

Sadly enough, one of the hardest workouts is vacuuming! It is so heavy and you really have to push it around. It really works the lower back and abs. Then when we clean the floors we get on our hands and knees and scrub, which really burns your arms and chest. Whew! I'm exhausted.

I have a job three nights a week at Old Spaghetti Factory too. All that physical labor will probably go to waste since I pretty much have my own mini buffet every time I come into work. What!? Its 50% off and sometimes free. Who can resist? Not me. Definitely not me.

Megan's sister Alex and her hubby Chris threw a great Halloween party this weekend as well. They live up in Hoytsville. It was insane to go back up to the motherland after so long. The smell of cows and chalk creek are just as I remember it...and the ass biting cold. I went into my old work place the POLAR KING for breakfast the morning after with everyone (more like lunch with our sleep deprived madness). That was crazy. All I had was this tremendous feeling of joy and relief that I didn't work there anymore, and it was almost akin to the feeling of revenge to order some asada freakin tacos form the other side of the counter. Sweet, indeed.

And it was incredible to see some of my dear old friends!!! You all know who you are. Except one, who bless her heart, slept through my homecoming. You know who you are too. Love you guys! Meeting with old and new friends alike is wonderful, what could be better then both? In costumes?

I have all of $13 dollars in my wallet and my first paycheck doesn't come for 2 weeks. But I feel so good. Things are coming together. I'm very excited for the future.

Happy Birthday: Fabulous 20's!

2007-10-24T14:10:00.002-06:00

Happy Birthday to us!

Happy birthday to bunk and bunk, we are now in our fabulous twenties! It feels good to be the 2-0. But I'm still bummed out, because no one thinks I look 20. I cant tell you how many times I've gone to the store only to have the bag lady look at me like I'm a teenage runaway. Everyone always asks me: "Oh...how old are you?" and when I tell them they freak out and say something like, "Oh my God! I thought you were 15!" I even had one guy tell me I looked like I was 14. Sigh...how long do I have to wait until I look my age? What am I going to do when I turn 21 and I get kicked out of bars because they think I'm underage? It will probably happen.

Here are some goals for my 20's years:

graduate college (with what I still don't know...)
Get married happily ever after
Maybe have kids after 25, probably closer to 30ish...
Travel to a different country. Maybe on a spiritual journey to India like in the book Eat. Pray. Love. Or go to Africa, France, Egypt, Japan....
Party hard enough so that when I'm older I don't feel like I missed out on anything. Haha!
Have a job I love. No exceptions. No working something I dread every day, that's ridiculous and I wont succumb to societies acceptance of working for the sake of working. I will be doing something I love and that is meaningful.
Have lots of cats.
Hopefully be a successful novelist. Hopefully. Hell, I'll even settle for being a shitty novelist. I just want to be one!

A decade is a long time! Jeez, what was I doing when I was 10? It seems so long ago, but I know time will pass more quickly than I can imagine. I'm in the prime of my life right now. And I want to be able to look back on these years and know I did everything I wanted to do. Don't hold back. Follow your dreams! Life is a waste if you don't do the things you dream of doing. Its telling yourself its OK to settle for less and your not worth it. Who wants to go through their life denying themselves the things they want most? Its no way to live...and I choose to live my life to the fullest. A choice is all it takes to make your dreams come true.

But hey, why is bunks hair so much lighter then mine? Neither of us has had our hair colored in about two years! Hmm...well she has been spending a lot of time at the beach this summer...

Fear and Loathing...Still Doesnt Make Sense.

2007-10-22T14:47:00.001-06:00

What to do. What to do. My life is in limbo right now. Its so difficult to be so happy, then to plunge into depression at any moment. Ive gained a lot and Ive lost a lot. But I cant tell if I'm better off than before or just as bad...or worse.

love is enough.

Isn't it? Ive always believed so. But what happens when your love gets you nowhere? Or rejected? Or thrown on your ass and alone again? If love is all you need then why do people demand more from you? Why is it sometimes not enough?

I don't know.

I'm nice, I'm funny, and I love people way more than is probably safe. For anyone. Especially me. I'm pretty sure no one dreads it if I hang out with them. I like to make people feel comfortable and have fun. I'm always there if you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to. I'm just me! I like my friends just the way they are, even if your crazy, weird, nerdy, or smoke weed while I sit on the couch with you. Even if you've done some seriously bad shit in your life, I love you all the same no matter what. I like you for you and nothing else. Not who i wish you were. Not who I hope you'll turn into someday. Just you.

Is it so much to ask for someone to love me for who I am too? I have this dreadful feeling that no one will love me for "just me". That when it comes right down to it, maybe I'm just not all that appealing. I mean, who wants a girl who's favorite movie is transformers, is kind of obsessed with my little ponies, wears glasses, and wears the same pair of shoes everyday until they turn into dust? When I put it like that, even I think I sound crazy...

...And by the way, even when I was drunk, that movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas... still doesn't make any sense!!! Aahhh!

Elaboration

2007-10-16T16:49:00.001-06:00

Anyway, I guess I should mention that Im back in Utah. Sweet, sweet beautiful Utah! Where the snow falls and the sky is blue! Lets just mention what is wonderful about Utah:

--> NO HUMIDITY! Finally my hair lies flat and my curls dont unwind the second I step outside!
--> Everyone is so nice! Southern Hospitality is definetly wonderful, but it seems like only a few people down south are genuinly friendly, and theres way more scary people who would rather put a cap in your ass. Hmm...
--> I can actually get a job here that pays more then $5.50 an hour! Im rich!!!
--> MOUNTAINS!
--> Seasons. Definetly something I took for granted! The whole year isnt just a variation of summer and more summer all year round.
--> NO NUCULAR MUTATED BUGS. I dont have to worry about protecting myself from bugs that could litterally carry me off and eat me whole!
--> FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!!

I could go on and on, and I probably will later, but thats a small taste of how great it is to be back home. Anyway, I dont feel the need to mention exactly why Im here now...but some of you are already aware anyway. I just dont feel the need to go into explicit detail about the woes and sorrows of my sorry ass pitiful life right now...

Sigh...well, in other news, it has been so AWESOME to see some of you again!!!! I am so happy to finally be able to hang out with everyone again! I cant tell you how much I missed all of you! I think Ive cried a little bit because Im so happy. It has helped me so much and I feel so much better lately. One hug was enough to make life worth living again. My life plan at the moment is to simply have lots of fun and party like crazy.

Want To Die.

2007-10-08T21:48:00.002-06:00

When the reason you wake up in the morning is gone, what do you do? When life has lost its greatest joy, how do you feel? When you live in a pit of despair, how do you survive?

Ive been crying for so long there are no more tears to shed. So now I shudder in the wake of my agony. When I try to sleep my chest is so knotted up I cant breathe. I feel like a ghost. Dead.

What is there to live for now? How can you look at yourself in the mirror without being disgusted at what you see. Alone. Rejected. Crushed like an insect and dumped on the curb like worthless trash.

I gave everything there was to give. All the love my soul could share. All the support and respect in the world. Everything I could offer was given and so, so much more. The way you love when everything is perfect. Where I could spend the rest of my life in happiness, just being by your side.

And somehow it wasn't enough. No. It was enough. I gave the kind of love everyone searches for, and only a lucky few are able to find. Even less are able to love as I was able to love you. And somehow you let it go. Tossed it out the window like useless paper in the wind.

And for what? What? For no boundires, no limits, no one to tell you what to do? Well guess what, I was the only one who let you free in a world of boundaries and rules! But now you have what you were missing. Now you get to have options open. You can do whatever the hell you want. But the one thing you wont have is true love. I hope at the end of the day when your done f****ing around you feel damn great, realising your going home to an empty house and an empty life. I hope the trade was worth it.

It sure as hell wasn't for me. I'm home alone. Alone in life. Stuck with all my rejected love by myself. Wishing I could die.

I just want to die.

Tarantula In The Mailbox

2007-09-25T11:44:00.001-06:00

Its been a week since my visit to the hospital and Im feeling so much better! Seriously, the best part is not having the pee in the strainer anymore. On the downside, my mystery stone, er, never showed up. Meaning all that peeing through the strainer for a week was useless damn it! Ugh! Either it 1.: passed durring my three pee's I took before I used the strainer. Or 2.: broke up on the way out into small untraceable pieces. ....damn.

But enough talking about that, Im grossing myself out! Im feeling normal again. Now Im just really freaked out that sometime in the future its going to happen again! Im tempted to carry around a few lortabs in my purse just incase Im out and about one day and suddenly get that telltale pain in my side. Now I know for the future that if I do feel that again I need to get help FAST, or else Im going to be in a world of agony all over again. They say that kidney stones are comparable to childbirth. I can totally agree!!! It was so terrible! Unless you've had one, you cant understand how much it really hurts! It would have been manageable if I would have been able to get help sooner, but after an hour of progressing pain, it got so bad that I could hardly breathe! I wanted to die. Its amazing that a little stone traveling down your ureter can be so unbelievably painful!

Anyway, Im glad thats over with. :) . Now let me tell you about what happened on Saturday! Try not to freak out like I did.

So its your usual lazy weekend and the mailman comes to drop off the mail and I see Ive got my Allure magazine, yay! So I go outside to retrieve my bounty. I stick my hand in the mailbox and out I pull my magazine.....WITH A TARANTULA STUCK TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, Im not joking. No, it was not just a "big spider". This thing was F***ing HUGE!!!! It took every once of sanity I had in me to not scream at the top of my lungs and throw it into the neighbors yard. I swing the door wide open and hold it as far away from me as possible as I carefully walk to the sink. Tony is in the living room. "There is---a---spider----on the mail!" I whisper. Once I get to the kitchen I throw it into the sink and start freaking out! "Tony get in here now! Look at whats on the mail! AHHHHH! SPIDER! ITS HUGE! ITS A TARANTULA!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Im doing my spider dance, jumping up and down because I feel so creepy crawly! We both peer down into the sink to get a good look. Thank God this thing is dead! But its still ginormous! Seriously the size of your fist! and it has web stuck to it with a half eaten cockroach.

AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I flush that thing down the sink and run the disposal for about 5 minutes solid. Then came back and did it again. It looked alot like this one:

MMM HMM. I hope your feeling super creepy now. I think Im going to barf for about a week. Just another reason why I cant wait to get out of Louisiana!

In So Much Pain!!!

2007-09-17T12:40:00.001-06:00

Well, this is a story I never thought would happen to me! Yesterday I had to be rushed to the ER because....I have a kidney stone.

So the day started off normal like always and I had no idea what was coming to me. Tony was on call for the Dental Clinic he works at, and was called in to assisit that afternoon. I came along (who wouldnt want to watch cartoons on a giant ass government owned 70 inch plasma tv? I rest my case.)

When Tony left the room I suddenly started getting this nagging pain in my left side. I brushed it off, thinking I pulled a muscle or something. But it steadily got worse to the point I could no longer sit down, and tried pacing around the room to stop it. Very quickly, I couldnt breath and was sucking in shallow breaths as the pain consumed by back and stomach. By the time Tony came back I was huddled in the chair and 20 minutes had passed. "I think I need to call 911!" I whispered. I was getting really scared.

One of the doctors at the dental clinic called the hospital for me. It was an agonizing drive, since the hospital we had to go to was almost 20 miutes away! Once in the car, I was in such agonizing pain I couldnt help moaning and writhing around in the chair.

I hobbled into the ER as Tony searched for a parking spot. Just my luck, there was no one there, and the lady at the window didnt even look up as I leaned up against it. "Excuse me!" I said, and she looked up. "Fill out that form." she bitched, looking back to whatever she was doing. I was so pissed off, couldnt she tell I needed help NOW? As I tried to fill out the paper quickly as possible, my hand was shaking so bad from the pain my handwriting looked like a two year old's. There was a line that said "Reason for visit". and I put "SEVERE PAIN IN LEFT SIDE!!!!!" and shoved the paper at her. Once she looked over it she said "Ok, come here." and took my vitals, and asked me further questions (none of which had to do with my medical reason for visiting) as I squirmed in the chair ready to pass out.

Once in the hospital room it was over a half hour before the nurse came in to give me some pain medicine. I had been in the depths of hell and back for over an hour. I was almost screaming, and begged her to please give me something. I was so delusional from my own agony, I was talking a lot of nonesense to everyone in the room. Especially Tony.

My nurse pulled out a giant needle to stick in my arm to give me my IV. Normally this would scare me to death, but I was so ready for it, knowing I was that much closer to finally not feel like I was literally exploding. "Ok, count to 10!" she said. "Ok. 1...2...3...4...ow, ow, OW!!!!"

Talk about jamming that thing as far in as it would go! She drained a few vials of blood for testing, gave me a giant dose of anti-nausia medicine (thank God, I was feeling so sick!) and finally, finally, I got a morphine injection. It brought the feeling of dizzyness, and a heaviness in my chest that felt like someone was stepping on me. Finally, I could feel my agony slowly fading away. The releif was undescribable.

Five blankets later (the stuff gave me some serious shivers) and after a CT scan, the doc came back with the news. A KIDNEY STONE!? Im shocked. Im young! Why did my kidney suddenly stop filtering the toxins from my body? The grim prognosis is that if you've had a kidney stone, you'll likely have them all your life, and in 90% of cases its unknown why they happen. So its one big mystery for me.

Well, long story short, Im home recovering. Its not exactly fun, either! I have so much pain medicine in me, but since the morphine got out of my system this morning Im still in a moderate amount of pain. Dont even get me started on going pee! I have to use a strainer so when I pee I can "catch" the stone and send it to the doctor for testing. Humiliating! My glade tuperwear sitting on the toilet is ready when that magical moment happens.....ugh.

(this is my pitiful morphine face....wow, I look terrible.)

Hmm?

2007-09-12T13:36:00.000-06:00

What the hell! What is this crap!!! Well, You were just directed from my myspace blog to this, my "offical" blog page. This is where Ill be writing all my blogs from now on. You'll be able to read them here through my myspace, as usual. So dont worry about saving this page to see my stuff....well, unless you want to :). Im lazy too, so Im making it just a tad easier for you by linking everything back to myspace. I know, I know, Im awesome.

Haha!!! Enjoy. See that down there? You can click it to leave a comment if you want. It will take you to a page where you can type whatever you want, then submit (no blogger account necessary). and whalla. Your deep thoughts will be forever stamped on my page.

Super Spiffy Blog-ness

2007-09-12T02:08:00.000-06:00

Like the layout? I dont mind bragging a little bit that Im quite happy with it too! I have a tendancy to always search for new layouts, but Im sure Ill stick with this one for a while. It is very unique and pretty, dont you think? very girly, just my taste. :) . Yes envy my blog! One thing about NERDS is we can do some pretty dorky stuff...like mess around with html/css code to make a spiffy blog. While all you normies are stuck with those god-awful and plain default layouts...

Mmm hmm. Super cute. Blogtastic, even.

Ok, seriously though. If anyone wants help to make a sweet layout like this for your own blog, just ask :). Im totally happy to help you out. Use my nerd skills...

What was this post for? Mostly just to be happy about the layout :). I should go to bed now...

drop me a line via myspace!

love,
dm

hey everyone!

2007-09-10T12:27:00.000-06:00

hey everyone! welcome to my blog! This is so I can write my thoughts ans feelings in a more professional design for my MYSPACE PAGE. All of my entires will be linked in my myspace blog to this page. Thanks for taking a look, leave a comment or two, tell me how you feel :)